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I rose to my feet without even putting the warm meal in my belly. “You’ve come to the right place.” My announcement shook the heart of every patron of The Titan’s Trap. Even if it didn’t I’m telling the story so that’s what happened.
“My name is Elrin Daun of…”
“Trant! Where is Vergusson?” The gorgeous elven woman shouted walking right past me, parking herself at the bar. “I need him now. Please tell me he still hangs around here.”
The barkeeper shrugged and pointed outside, “I think he’s unconscious under a tree.”
I pointed in a different direction. “He’s that way. If you need someone tough I know a badass Samurai girl. Though she’s at a farm right now. I also know a Devilman. But I honestly have no idea where he is.”
“Oh you met Zorthos?” Trant sounded excited. “How’s that guy doing?”
“He’s weird,” I replied.
As if I used different words, Trant said, “Glad he’s doing well. Anyways…” He pointed his thumb at me. “This guy said he’s a fighter I think.” His pitch wasn’t convincing because he wasn’t convinced himself.
So I unleashed the confidence myself. “Elrin Daun of Gladland The Fighting Writer.” I held my hand out. “Pleasure to meet you.” It was not the time to be flirty, but it was the time to be self-assuring. Though oftentimes they are the same thing.
“Nydorri,” She politely shook my hand quickly without making eye contact. “You’re welcome to help Weirdo but I need Vergusson.” Her words were rude but her tone was rather inviting. It was almost as if she didn’t insult me. Perhaps ‘weirdo’ had a different meaning to her. Or I misread her tone. I probably just misread her tone.
She pointed in the direction I indicated the orc was in. “You said he’s that way?” Before I answered she started walking out the door.
“Yeah,” I shouted running after her. “Huh, could we wait? I’m hungry.”
Reaching into one of her leaves she pulled out a berry, “I don’t have a lot of these but take one.” She tossed it without even looking over her shoulder.
I caught it even though I didn’t believe it could possibly tie me over. But my curiosity overrode my hunger at the moment so I just popped it in my mouth and ran out the door after her. By the time I was outside, I realized I had no more hunger to be ignored. “What’d you just give me?”
“Pana Berry,” She explained hastily. “You’ll be as hungry as a wild bear by morning. Especially after the first one.” The leaf lady’s voice was slightly friendly but she lacked the manners to actually look at me. Which was very upsetting, because I liked looking at her. So I tried not to, because that’s what gentlemen do when a lady doesn’t want to look back.
Once I guided her to the unconscious orc, Nydorri knelt next to him and placed her hand over his mouth. I didn’t see, but my guess was she slipped in a similar berry to the one she gave me. Her hand covered his lips and her other squeezed his nose.
Within a second he was on his feet looking for a fight. “WHO ARE YOU?” He screamed at me with an orcish berserker’s rage I’d read about so many times before. “I will absolutely destroy you.”
I thought about drawing my sword, but chose to take a knee instead. It did not work as he stepped forward fully intending to remove my head.
Thankfully the elf smacked him in the face with her wooden staff. “Stop it Verg!”
“Ah shit,” He shook his face out and looked at me. “Oh… This guy cool?”
“I don’t think so…” The tone of her voice would have suggested she said the opposite.
Vergusson lowered his eyebrows trying to piece things together, “But I shouldn’t kill him?”
I emphatically said, “No you should not.”
“I’ll tell you if you should but he said he’s gonna help us out so be nice for now,” She explained. Then she walked away.
“I didn’t say I’d help just yet,” I said as I rose to my feet. Neither of them cared. Vergusson just walked after her without saying anything. “Wait hold up,” I ran up next to the large warrior with the giant battle ax. “Pardon me for asking but where are you guys going?”
“Nah you’re good man,” Vergusson assured me my questions weren’t at all an intrusion. His bloodlust from the moment before had subsided entirely.
“We’re gonna go kill some folk.”
“Who?”
He shrugged.
“You don’t know?”
“She just woke me up man,” He explained as if I should have understood that.
I only grew more confused, “Then how do you know you’re going to kill people?”
“Why else would she wake me up?”
Realizing I wouldn’t get any answers, I walked quicker to reach Nydori who didn’t appear at all concerned that we might not be able to keep pace, “Excuse me.”
“Yes.” Still a friendly tone. Still wouldn’t look at me.
“As I understood, my help was welcomed at this point, but I was hoping to at least get some answers.” I didn’t want to be too pushy, I was very confused whether she wanted me here or not. She certainly indicated she didn’t need me here, but my presence did appear slightly more than welcome.
“You haven’t asked any questions.”
I thought for a second and realized that I in fact hadn’t asked her any questions. Or maybe I did and she’s playing mind games? I wouldn’t be able to figure it out until I entered the Deep Dream later and replayed the day in my head. “Who are we going to kill?”
“Killers.”
“I’m sure I can ask creatively but would you mind elaborating?”
She giggled, but continued to not even glance in my direction. “Colonizers.” I tried to think of another question before she added, “Things get nasty sometimes.”
“Where from?”
“Somewhere else…”
There was plenty more to ask, but I suddenly realized we were surrounded by large Elk. I was rather startled. Neither of my compatriots were alarmed in the slightest. Nydorri walked over to the smallest of the big beasts and rubbed its head until it knelt down. She snapped her fingers at me then pointed at the woodland creature.
Without question I hopped on.
Then she quickly did the same with the largest elk and Vergusson.
After that she hopped on her own without it needing to kneel down. Then we all took off. I held on to the antlers, anxious at first whether or not that was appropriate, but my steed seemed fine with it.
We headed directly south traveling for several hours through the woods coming across a couple of ogre corpses. They really didn’t have anything to do with my journey. It was just weird that I found them there. Vergusson said he knew them. He didn’t like them. But they were funny.
Other than that it was impossible to take in any of the sights as the creatures we rode were so fast. There were beautiful trees and flowers of all kinds scattered about, but the moment I spotted anything of interest it would disappear just as soon.
After about half a day’s ride, we came upon a stream and the elk pulled over for some water. I took the time to finally observe each of the trees, but I really don’t know what to say about them. They were just pretty trees.
My drift was interrupted by a loud roar. I pulled my rapier out as fast as I could, and the orc next to me had his battle ax in his hands even faster. Our elven guide gestured for us to stand down. “Relax boys.”
The bushes rustled, and out walked a brown bear, as big as any I’d ever seen in a zoo. Though, up close it felt he was giant compared to all of them “Let me talk to him,” Nydorri insisted. She walked forward slowly with her hand out.
Only one sniff, that was all the bear needed to lick her fingers, and then excitedly lick her face like a dog greeting its owner. She laughed and petted the beast. “Vergusson, want to pet him?”
“Dope,” The orc put his ax on his back and walked towards the bear. He gently rubbed the animal’s head, causing a purr in response.
Feeling jealous, I asked, “Can I pet him?”
Without looking away from the bear, scratching him under the chin, Nydorri replied. “He doesn’t like you.” And I swear to the gods the bear locked eyes with me and nodded.
Once they were done making a friend, we continued our journey. We rode through the most gorgeous collection of gardens I’d ever seen in my life. Filled with tulips, daisies and roses. Bunnies, squirrels and birds lived vibrantly and happily.
Roughly an hour after meeting the bear we came upon a cliff over reaching the largest garden I’d ever seen. There were patches of land along the way filled with flowers scattered throughout the forest. But looking out over the cliff’s edge I saw flowers for what looked like miles. Grassy hills off in the distance cut off my view. A waterfall not too far from where I stood led to a river that split the garden in half.
As I traced my eyes along the river there sat a small altar under a large tree. There was a wooden hut nearby. Dozens of people were scattered around. Some resting, some pacing, I couldn’t really make out much more details from this far.
I asked Nydorri, “Is this your tribe?”
“I don’t have a tribe?”
We rode around the cliff to a decline and circled back around to join the crowd. Nydorri quickly dismissed the pack of Elk just as we hopped off them.
Then we approached the crowd. My elven guide quickly began introducing Vergusson to a young black haired man with a bow and quiver on his back. The human archer wore the garments of a hunter and a merchant, with a little scruffy hair on his face.
Surrounding them were mostly men dressed in loincloths. Some wore assortments of furs. Most of them had spears, bows, hatches and daggers. There were two other orcs, both looked about the same size if not taller than Vergusson. The oddest looking of all was three deermen. At least that’s what I assumed they were based on their faces, fur and antlers. From what I saw, everyone else was human.
Until I heard a little hill dwarf talking shit to me. “Your friend looks rather civilized, Nydorri,” The short man with the greatest beard of all wore fur around his waist and nothing else. He hadn’t even a weapon on him. “You sure this is the place for him?”
“He’ll probably die so I don’t care,” She said like I was a piece of clothing she might toss away later. Or in her case, a leaf. “I think he just wants to fuck me or something.”
Embarrassed, I had to step up and defend myself. “I’m here to protect…” I waved my hands around the beautiful location, “Whatever this is…”
They all laughed at my ignorance. A woman near the monument said, “The Garden of Priapos,” Wearing a long cloak made of leaves, stood an elf with black skin, “As all gardens are.”
“That dreya loves to talk.” Nydorri pointed at the dark elf. “Ask her stuff.” Then the wood elf went back to talking to her friends while Vergusson just chilled with the other orcs.
The older woman waved me over politely, and I approached with a smile. “Elrin Daun of Gladland. The Fighting Writer. I may be a bit out of place but I promise I will protect with all of my heart what I can only describe as the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen ” For emphasis, and to my own amusement, I gazed out at the garden.
“Don’t mind the dwarf, people like him are just sad that they’re short.” Her head shook with disappointment as she sat down on a nearby stone. “I am Alyne. We’re glad to have your help. Even if you’re a little out of place.”
With admiration I observed the people around us. “Pardon me if this is inappropriate, but who exactly am I gonna be fighting, and why, and also what?”
Alyne smirked at me, “How could you not know? I’m sure your friend Nydorri gave you a full breakdown.” Her joke was acknowledged and she proudly continued, “I tend to these gardens. The pollen here feeds the forest around. Without it, the trees may wither and die. Though nature does have a nasty way of surviving when it needs to.” I very much appreciated actually receiving something resembling an answer, but there was still much to know.
Thankfully she wasn’t done explaining, “Several days ago, a group of men ravaged through here with arrows and spears. Slaughtering the wild life,” She pointed at deer drinking from the river. “They’d leave the corpses where they were, and begin plucking the flowers from the ground. Some of my allies and I fought them off, but at great cost.” She pointed to several tiny mounds of dirt nearby.
I gasped, but allowed her to continue explaining. “They’ll be back. These settlers were a part of a larger tribe. If that’s what you call them. So… I reached out to some of the best warriors around. Nydorri, Jeff, and Donlin.” She nodded towards the wood elf, the human archer, and the hill dwarf that didn’t like me. “They all helped me assemble what few warriors the nearby tribes could muster.” She nodded towards the random packs of men scattered about. Each clique had their own unique sense of fashion.
“It’s not often the tribes work together for anything let alone offering up warriors, but…” She extended her arms out. “They all know the value of the garden. Everyone in this region eats from the garden. Even if not directly. So they were a little more open minded than typical. Giving my recruiters the chance to bring in dozens of people.”
She smiled and looked at the three of them. “Except for your Tellir friend.” Alyne looked directly at the wood elf that brought me here. “That wild one insisted there was a better idea than recruiting large numbers of people to throw their lives away. She traveled half a day and back just to find you.”
“Vergusson…”
Alyne didn’t know what I meant.
“Nydorri went to get that orc there,” I pointed at him. “She couldn’t care less if I’m here.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
“To be honest with you, I’m a bit of a fresh fighter, the world still doesn’t know what I’m capable of…” I smirked hoping she’d catch the lightheartedness of my comment.
“I wonder what surprises await us all,” She joked back.
Before the conversation got too distracting I remembered to bring it back to what mattered most. “I still don’t know who’s attacking us. Or is that a mystery to us all?”
“Not really,” She shook her head, perhaps not realizing that was a confusing answer.
“Orcs?”
“I didn’t see any,” She looked at Vergusson and his kin that sat silently near. “Haven’t seen an orc raiding party in a few years. Not since the treaties were signed.”
That word was the most curious one. “Huh?”
Alyne lived up to the description Nydorri gave her. “The orc tribes of Kayos have worked out an alliance. With beast and beast slayer running about, it’s time for the orc to side with the hunter. Bringing a small sense of order to Kayos.”
She had a huge smile on her face, as if she was staring at her whole continent with pride. “There is so much madness. Several mountains throughout the continent, filled with goblins. Tribes of beastmen, as uncivilized as any. Not to mention mystical creatures of every sort lurking in the bushes and beyond. And it’s not like man or elf are known for their peaceful choices.”
“So… Orcs are the good guys?”
Vergusson was picking his nose while the other two were burping and napping.
“Well… There’s enough bad guys for them to have their fun without fighting innocent people.” She looked away from me, and smiled with horror. Nodding in the direction behind me she said, “As you’re about to know.”
When I turned around, I saw three men coming over the hill on the horizon. Within a second of seeing the trio there were nearly a dozen others. By three seconds there was a horde of fifty.
My allies scrambled to combat ready.
Vergusson had his battle ax drawn, but his face hadn’t changed a bit. One of his fellow orcs held two greatswords. The other held a massive war hammer. Donlin the dwarf stepped up near them barehanded, smashing his fist into an open palm. Jeff the archer, for some reason, decided to line up with them as well instead of looking for a more advantageous position.
And then my dumbass did the same.
Some of the tribesmen appeared concerned that there was no cover. A fear that became more apparent the closer the enemy got. The hoots and hollers of arrogant men ready for war grew closer and closer. Followed quickly by the clinking and clanking of their chainmail armor.
Nydorri was crawling on all fours. She slowly crept over to me and then stood straight up stating, “Watch my ass.” A term that was far more open to interpretation than I think she realized but I digress. Squeezing the staff in her hand, she hummed a tune while looking around the soon to be battle field.
Then she screamed and slammed her staff into the ground. Trees sprouted up all around us giving the tribesman the cover they needed. After dashing behind the thick obstacles, they pulled out their spears and bows.
“Ah,” The largest and most bearded of the raiders bellowed a terrifyingly loud voice. “They got themselves a nasty little witch for us to toss in a stew. And some disgusting orcs for my brothers and I to fuck later.”
Marching next to him, were two similar looking men with beards just about as epic. Neither looked to be any shorter or smaller. Based on their laughs, their voices were just as loud.
Arrows and spears started launching from both sides. Vergusson, within an instant, snapped into a full on berserker’s rage. His roar boomed in my ears, rattling the sword in my hand. The other two orcs ran alongside him screaming nearly as loud.
The 3 humans charged back with the same berserker’s rage. Their own voices shaking the trees around us. Both of the nameless orcs clashed their weapons with the two brothers on the side. The largest of our enemies, who did all the talking, swung a broad sword at Vergusson, only for the battle ax to deflect the sword away.
Then the ax was in the raider’s skull.
After Vergusson ripped out his weapon he threw it, killing someone else. Then he ran after it. Quickly snapping another man’s neck with his barehands along the way.
Donlin the dwarf, Jeff the archer, and the rest, were engaged in their own fierce skirmishes. I couldn’t tell who was doing well and who wasn’t. Though I noticed Jeff was struggling so I tried to make my way to him.
That’s when one of the enemies finally stepped in my path, facing me with his long sword. The raider was taller than me, as I do recall. His blade was thicker, and he wore bronze armor. Slightly better than the leather padded armor I wore. The first strike was blocked with ease. My stance was cleaner, but he was far more ferocious.
His sword just kept coming my direction. I blocked every strike, but I was surprised each time. My muscle memory from sparring was working just fine but I was also just barely surviving. I wanted to look for an opening. I actually thought about looking for an opening.
Yet I didn’t look for one. I just kept blocking. Pain and carnage roared around me. For a moment I saw the flash Vergusson removing a man’s head. The other two orcs were still fighting their same enemies from the beginning of the combat.
But I couldn’t pay attention to anything. I had my foe in front of me. And I couldn’t afford to lose. Not this fight. Yesterday I fought a dark sorcerer, alongside a devilman. And I won. The last thing I believed I could do was lose to this one regular soldier in front of me.
Just a petty little colonizer.
So I went for it, I blocked his strike, then stabbed at his gut. He sidestepped away, quickly pulled his greatsword towards me slashing both my arm and then my chest leading down to my upper stomach. He couldn’t get full power on the swing because I put him off balance with my attack, but one doesn’t need full power to cut a fellow human.
With my sword hand injured, I tried to switch to my left. He quickly deflected and stabbed me in the gut. Emulating pretty much exactly what I tried before. Somehow I managed to kick him away before I fell.
And there I was, on my knees. Once more with a foe raising a blade above my head. Despite the blood flowing out of me I still had enough to cough up.
Yet I forced myself to an upright position, and glared my would be killer in the eye for the same reason I did last time, and the same reason I will every time. That’s when I noticed a squirrel scurrying by his ankles. Then Nydorri suddenly appeared behind him. Her staff slammed into my attacker’s sword, sending it flying through the air.
Before he could react, she tripped him to the ground and unleashed a flurry of blows.
He was out cold in a matter of seconds. With absurd sexiness Nydorri held her staff behind her back to examine the battlefield.
Jeff and Donlin looked worse for wear, but appeared to have been successful. I had a hard time gathering much else. There were mostly just corpses scattered about, and Vergusson was still making some.
Once he made the last dead person he spun around looking for more to make while Nydori walked towards him, “Woah there big guy. Calm down. I think we got ’em all.”
His rage appeared to have no end as he let out the loudest roar yet. Once done shouting he took a deep breath, his endless anger ended. “Alright. Do you guys got a bar around here?”
Some of the warriors who survived raised their fists in celebration of the victory. A few others knelt down over their dead brethren. Jeff was badly injured like myself. Alyne knelt next to him humming to herself then muttering an incantation in a language I did not recognize.
Before I could see what happened, Nydorri crawled on all fours in front of me. Her eyes focused on the gashes on my arm and torso. She scooped some cream out of one of the leaves on her body and rubbed it on my wounds.
She didn’t take her eyes off of her task as she asked, “You’re pretty bad at fighting aren’t you?” I Shrugged. For the first time since she shook my hand in the Titan’s Trap she made eye contact with me. “That must make you very brave.” Gripping my left hand with her right, she held it up to her face, the way knights often do for princesses. Then she sniffed my fingers and crawled away.
I couldn’t help but watch her saunter as she went. As I watched, I noticed the trees she summoned were fading away to dust. The smell of blood and death disappeared for a moment and was replaced by the most beautiful array of smells I couldn’t even understand let alone describe. No one could.
Then the gross smell returned.
After several minutes, the cream she rubbed on my arm began to do its work. The wound began to vibrate and I could feel it closing. My pain was subsiding, even if slowly. Alyne helped me to my feet, guiding me to a nearby bed of flowers near the altar. It was one of the comfiest things I’d ever laid on. She explained that she was at her mana’s end, and she couldn’t offer me any more help today other than provide me food in a bit.
Both elven women also helped several of our enemies who survived. Though, from the look of it, they were under arrest. Yet, they were still mercifully given mild medical treatment.
I spent yet another evening away from the town of Grumbsy.
The next morning Nydorri woke me up and had the Elk ready for us to go. We hopped on our steeds to return to Grumbsy. Once there the pack of Elk along with the elf quickly disappeared into the woods.
As Verg and I reentered the Titan’s Trap, I was quite eager to take a break from the whole adventuring thing. But as I was continuing to learn, that was the wrong attitude to have on the continent of Kayos.
The instant I walked through the door Trant looked at me with a smile. “There you are. Someone’s been looking for you.” He gestured to Roan, who sat in the same corner I found him sleeping in the day before, only this time he was conscious. A pretty young girl holding a guitar sat next to him. The instant the sailor saw me he leapt through the air.
“There you are turd wagon,” The sailor greeted me excitedly. “I found you a job.”
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