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“A round of troll on me,” I announced, sauntering into the titan’s trap expecting a chorus of cheers. Only a few people raised their glasses in gratitude, but for the most part nobody cared I was there.
Of course, there was a bit of a kerfuffle going on. When I approached the small crowd of bickering men I heard Roan shouting, “You said you knew how to open it. So open it?”
Trant grumpily responded. “Do I look like I don’t have my hands full?”
Roan unwaveringly explained, “Well that was a weird time to give me that information.”
Glish was standing on a stool next to him, “I’m with Roan. I wanna know…”
The barkeep grew irritated, “What do you wanna know?”
“What’s in the box?” Glish hopped down to his feet before dropping to his knees and squealing as if asking a god above him for the answer. “WHAT’S IN THE BOX!?”
“Just give me a minute,” Trant took more than one minute to continue serving people before he finally went back behind the bar and carried out the large treasure chest we found in the crypt.
He plopped it down on the floor near them. “So…” He grabbed the lock, “This thing here is about as powerful as anything I’d ever seen. But everything else is just tough metal.” Then he reached into his pants and pulled out a small knife with a glowing green blade.
Roan muttered like he had a boner. “Ooh I want that thing.”
Trant quickly plugged the knife into the side of the chest, and then cut through the tough metal like butter. “Just like I thought it would.” Then he sliced all the way around the top opening the treasure we hadn’t been able to open for literally like three days.
Inside were four different pieces of jewelry and seven books. Of course I scooped the reading material and rifled through them. A few interesting pieces of history, and two books of black magic. My compatriots checked out the fancier items, which probably would cost more money.
We reveled in our success. Along with the two cursed weapons which nobody could hold but probably cost a lot, and the big hunk of magic metal, the six of us who went on that mission had quite a lot show. Though we didn’t know yet what to do with everything, we knew our pockets just got a whole lot fuller. And considering how much we’d been making lately anyways, my collection was getting a bit too big for my comfort just sitting at the inn. Especially with so much more on the way once these goods are sold.
“Hey Trant,” I whispered to the man in charge of everything. “You got like a bank going on? Or something to do with my money when I start really rolling in the dough?”
“I mean Liam and the boys make and sell safes,” He shook his head. “I’m sure doing all that work with Glish you’ll get a fair price. And then I can keep it behind the bar for no fee because you’re useful around here. But then thieves are just going for the same thing. I don’t know if we have a big enough economy for a bank yet.”
His excuse didn’t work on me. “You don’t know anyone that can run a bank can you?”
“Do you?” He pointed at the patrons in the bar. Several of whom were picking their noses, “Damn near everyone here couldn’t cut it out there in civilization. What in hades are you doing here?”
“Thriving.”
“And do you think you could be doing better financially,” The salesman was quick to get to his next point. Before I could speak again he wagged his finger in my face. “Invest. People have been giving you their gold left and right. Toss some of that crap my way, let me put it in something, and you’ll have a share of the profits when it’s done.”
Scratching my head I asked, “I feel like that’s very bank-like behavior.”
“Well yeah but if I don’t say I’m a bank then I’m not a bank,” He said without confidence.
“Right?” I just chugged my drink. “That’s the first rule of being a bank.”
He laughed off my joke, always showing a decent sense of humor, and then went back to his pushy salesman nature. “So… What about it? Would you like to buy some homes? Live in one and rent the others out to travelers. Sooner or later, this port is going to be overflowing with people needing places to stay… Maybe you could purchase a theater. That could…”
“A LIBRARY!” I slammed my drink to the table counter. “If my stories are to be read as intended I need people who can read. This town needs a library. This continent needs a library. It’s time to move Grumbsy into the future my friend.”
“Okay but like…” Trant scratched his head. “Nobody reads so we have like 7 books in the whole town. You just need a bookshelf, not a building.”
“I’ll have you know, I have been writing books of poetry to contribute to this library,” I shouted for all to hear. “Not to mention the tales of my adventures. Although to be fair neither is really in full book form, I mean I got a lot going on.”
The owner of the Titan’s Trap, and the patriarch of the whole town, sat and pondered for a moment. Snapping his fingers he announced, “How about a school?” He seemed intrigued. “I mean we can have a small building, with a few different rooms. One of those rooms, a library. Which for now just has a bookshelf. I don’t know how much demand…”
“For now,” I waved my hand thinking of an answer for him, “We can use the building as another inn for people to stay at. You can offer it to fancy folk who like reading. And so… Library.”
“Okay,” He thought for a moment, but not for a long moment. “Let’s talk numbers.”
We agreed pretty quickly. And I celebrated with a lot more troll than I needed to.
When I woke up the next day I was riding in a wagon.
“Where are we?”
Roan smiled at me, “We’re on the road to Heather’s Keep.”
“WHAT?” I was not in any way prepared to travel halfway across the continent. And the oxen dragging the wagon I was on weren’t moving any faster than we walked. From what everyone told me, I was the one who insisted we leave first thing in the morning and then passed out in the wagon before we left.
Apparently the weapons we found in the crypt had some sort of curse upon them. The dwarves were known collectors of these items and paid a hefty price for those who allowed them to store dangerous dark artifacts for safe keeping. There was also that large hunk of Osirion steel that came along with it.
We stopped at both Buck Station and Crudingdale the first 2 nights. After that we exited the forest and journeyed through the grassy plains until we found ourselves at a jungle with a wild assortment of trees.
There were no caves in sight, but there was a massive tree for us to take camp under. It ended up being a pleasant evening, singing a few songs around a campfire. At the crack of dawn, we were back on the trek. It only took a couple hours before Nydorri suddenly stopped in her tracks and began to sniff around.
The rest of us waited anxiously. After a moment the elf announced, “It’s fine. Let’s go.”
Yarrick quickly said, “I don’t think we should just let them go.”
I totally forgot he was even there.
Without looking down at him Nydorri replied, “We don’t kill people just for watching us.”
Roan was quick to add, “They’re probably getting reinforcements,” Then he asked. “Who are we talking about? Lizard people… Goblins. It’s probably goblins.”
Glish seemed ready to attack, “Oh I hate those smelly fucks.”
“Who doesn’t?” I mocked, “They’re goblins.”
Zorthos looked at us upset, but for some reason only addressed me, “You know what man… You got a real problem with other people. It sort of really weirds me out that we’re such close… I mean huh… such good acquaintances.”
I couldn’t believe I had made the same mistake again. My somewhat upper class upbringing has made me ignorant in many ways. And I can see I hurt the helkin in the feels. I had to make this right. And I didn’t know where I was going when I started, but that’s how the best apologies begin. “Do you know why we’re such great acquaintances?”
“Because you treat me normally.”
“No… well yeah.” Technically he was right. “It’s because I need to learn from you and others who are different so that I can understand that which I don’t.”
“All I know is pain,” He gazed fiercely at the ground.
“I want the world to know your story.”
“This pain.”
“And I want the world to know your pain. So that the world can grow from it. And together you and the world could heal as we learn. That’s why you and I make very, very good acquaintances.”
Everyone’s jaw was wide the fuck open.
Except for Zorthos who gazed off into space. “Who’s out there?”
Chills were running down my spine, but there were more important things right now.
“Furry folk,” Nydorri quickly replied. “They’re gone now.”
Roan whined, “Furry folk always come back.”
I decided it was best not to weigh in on the situation. Thing was, I felt he was being a bit racist, but I didn’t want to say he was wrong until I knew for sure that they wouldn’t come back. Though I did note again that Zorthos didn’t criticize anyone else for being racist. I hoped it was because he was blown away by my awesome speech.
We mostly stopped talking after that, due to us suspecting we were being followed. It wasn’t more than an hour before Nydorri stopped us once again. She took a deep regretful breath before declaring, “Shit.”
“Told ya,” Yarrick reminded her.
“How many?” Roan asked.
The smaller rogue replied, “A fucking lot.”
There was a bit of distance between us and the nearest tree or bush, but it was quite dense in all directions. Within a moment I heard giggling from our left, then our right, and soon it was all around us. The wicked cackling of a local tribe.
“You stepped into the wrong woods!” A scratchy voice shouted in almost a friendly tone.
“This is Shenzi territory Bahahahaha!”
Vergusson shouted back, “Is that a type of cake?”
From behind the tree in front of us, stepped a man with a brownish fur coat and a stumpy snout. Another stepped into view as well. At first, I thought they were coyotes, but Roan was quick to identify them, “Hyenians.” He grabbed hold of the mace that I think he stole from a traveling mercenary before we left on this journey. “Might as well be goblins.”
“Listen!” I announced stepping forward. “We mean you know harm.”
An arrow was in my throat a second later. Blood filled my mouth and my vision went in every direction. I could barely even hear the carnage around me. I dropped to my knees and rolled backwards, Nydorri was quick to grab me and drag me under the wagon.
As she ran off I realized there was a leaf, stuck to the wound on my throat, where the arrow no longer was. I didn’t even see her touch it, or place the thin plant which slowly radiated on my pain. Soon agony began to fade, and I was able to breath with a clear mouth.
The moment after that, I noticed Glish falling to his knees near me. Blood poured out of his stomach, except he didn’t have a leaf covering his wound like I did. One of the hyenians was crawling towards him.
I rolled out from under the wagon crawling towards the furry bastard trying to kill my tiny ally. He didn’t see me coming, I slammed his head from the back with my elbow. Several times. I don’t know if I killed him or not but he definitely didn’t move after that.
Roan came flying through the air, crashing into the wagon behind me, cracking the side pretty badly. “Okay, that one’s a badass,” He got back to his feet, and launched a spear he found on the ground back in the direction he came from.
A hyenian, taller than the others, with notably larger muscles, dodged his attack with ease. Then the furry beast dashed at the sailor. Roan yelped and rolled under the wagon, only to scream in pain and fear on the other side.
The one chasing him set his eyes on me, but vines quickly appeared around his legs. Nydorri once again was saving my life. Though right as she did that I noticed another enemy appear behind her, “Nydorri!” it wasn’t until I shouted that I felt the agony in my throat again.
I fell to my knees, letting the leaf do its thing. My body recalibrated. A bear was tearing through the foe I saw attacking my elven friend, but now the jacked hyena guy had torn out of his constraints. He quickly grabbed a hand ax on the ground and chucked it at Beardorri’s shoulder before she noticed he escaped.
She quickly transformed back into her elven form preparing her staff to attack our muscly foe. I looked around for something to throw, and ended up chucking Glish’s hammer I found on the ground.
It hit the hyenian in the arm just before he got to Nydorri, and she clobbered him in the face with her staff. Her attack rocked him, putting him on the ground. Then she slammed it into the ground and let the vines wrap around him.
Suddenly another leapt from the bushes to attack her. She managed to defeat him with just her bow staff. The big one began to tear out of the vines again, but she started constraining him again from a distance.
Three more jumped from behind her before she could react, Zorthos suddenly appeared breathing pink flames from his mouth. All three of them lit a fire and dashed back into the trees. His breath also reached the one on the ground lighting him up as well. Oddly though, the vines didn’t burn at all. But he screeched in pure agony.
I wobbled with my sword in hand, preparing to put the hyneian out of his misery.
“What are you doing?” Zorthos asked.
“Mercy…” I could barely say a word as I made a stabbing motion.
“The fire isn’t burning him,” The helkin explained. “The pink flames are pretty expensive. But to save lives it’s worth the cost.”
“Huh…” I tried to put it together. “So it’s in his head.”
“No. You can obviously see it too,” He looked at me like I was dumb. “But yes.”
A moment later Syrielle and Vergusson came sauntering back to us from opposite sides of the woods. Both lost count but were pretty confident they got somewhere in the ballpark of 15-20 each. Or “This one” or “That one” as Verg described it.
Glish managed to take out four with his crossbow, and one with his hammer, before I came back into the fight, which really upset me. Bastard was really starting to pull ahead on me. And I couldn’t even talk because of my neck. Which was annoying because I saved his ass. Even if the one I elbowed was injured, that was pretty badass the way I did that so I feel pretty successful overall.
We of course didn’t wait long after that and basically sprinted out of the jungle into a sandy desert. Very quickly we came upon a canyon which forced us North until we found a village of rock houses. A couple of large orcs stood guard at the gate.
When we approached, there was a sign that read “Welcome To Grandville,” And the orcs waved politely. A human was there to greet us. Chief Claymont was always happy to take outsiders and there had been quite a few as of late. Which does so often happen when one of the many tribes of beastman in the nearby jungles get out of control. The hynenians recent activity forced them to hire the barbarian orcs to guard his home.
We laughed and told him what we had just done. Claymont nearly shit his pants. The Shenzi tribe had seemed like they’d conquer the land for years. Claymont’s forces and the neighboring tribes had taken out many of the hyneian forces, but at great cost to their own. “And the bastards are full grown in like what? A year? We got to call in help every few months when they just keep fucking and making more of each other. But then you guys come in and slaughter like 80 of them? The fuck are you?”
“Kayos.”
So we stuck around and partied for about a full day. Then we were off through the desert heading as East as we could. Nothing particularly exciting happened on that portion of the journey, with the exception of the giant scorpions that allegedly were going to attack us but didn’t.
Zorthos sensed them with his horns long before they got close. Nydorri smelled them well before that, but wanted to see if he’d notice before it became a problem. Yarrick was already handling the situation before she even knew what was happening.
After a few days, we ended up in a forest, where we found a road that quickly led us to the town of Sutersville. A colonized establishment near a gold mine. The mayor was quick to greet us, and just as quick to complain that there wasn’t much entertainment around. I of course quickly volunteered and the crowd was as happy as could be. When my performance was over I noticed a cute little redheaded girl, with a fairly freckled face looking at me through the crowd. Once I noticed her she looked away.
We kept awkwardly making eye contact for a few moments before I finally just walked over to her. “Hi…”
“Hello,” She seemed to relax right as she said it.
“Is it okay if I come over here and talk to you?” Some men might say I’m a pansy, but I was rather worried about making her uncomfortable. “You’re kinda hard to read if I’m honest.”
“Yes,” she nodded and looked at her feet. “Sorry. I just… I didn’t think a man like you would want to talk to a girl like me.”
“What?” I looked her up and down, double checking to make sure she was cute. Which I shouldn’t have done, but she prompted the thought, forcing me to try and not find her flaws, meaning I was looking for her flaws.
With starry eyes she attempted to explain herself, “You’re so talented. Women must be throwing themselves at you.” She looked down again. “A girl like me must look like one of the crowd.”
“If there’s one thing women never seem to understand it’s other women,” I held my hand out to her. Someone had put a radio on, and a few people had begun dancing again. “Come on, I’ve been hoping to see you smile since I saw you in the crowd.” It was an exaggeration, also I already saw her smile, but my comment prompted another one from her.
She took my hand, and we stepped out onto the floor where everyone danced. We jived back and forth for a moment until I heard an unfamiliar voice shout the ever so familiar, “Tabitha you fucking slut.”
“Zues-fucking-damnit, again?” I walked away from her shaking my head.
Syrielle and Nydorri were perched up next to the bar laughing at me. Both of them had drinks in their hands. The rest of my compatriots were scattered throughout the bar and none of them were paying attention. Which I assumed would be to my advantage.
A tall man with a big brown bushy beard grabbed Tabitha by the arm, “What’s wrong with you? Are you dancing with that random boy? How could you shame me like this?”
“And how could you, Elrin?” Syrielle facetiously criticized. “For shame. For shame.”
The man shoved the girl aside and started walking towards me with a group of about eight men in tow. I looked at Syrielle for help but she clarified, “Not when you’re talking to married women.”
“I didn’t know she was married, you goon.”
Tabitha ran up to the man’s arm and grabbed it, “Father please. I was just dancing with him. We weren’t doing nothing wrong. I promise. Please stop.”
I snapped my fingers, then pointed fiercely at the girl who claims to be my greatest friend. “That’s her dad. He’s telling her what to do.” Gesturing between the samurai and the man threatening me I added, “That means if you don’t help me you’re a bad feminist.”
She looked offended for a second, but Nydorri came to my aid. “No he’s right.”
“Where is he?” The father of Tabitha shouted. “I’ll show that little shit what it means to come into our town and disrespect our women.”
Glish climbed on Vergusson’s shoulders and pointed at me, “He’s right there.” The little fucker was paying attention.
The man walked towards me, with a large crowd around backing away to give him space, “Now look here. I was respectful of your daughter from beginning to end. I wasn’t gonna cause any problems. I promise.”
“You are the problem,” He declared before asking, “Do you even know who I am?”
Clearly I did not. “Well I’m hoping whoever you are, you’re very nice.”
He poked his finger in my chest. “I’m the damn healer around here.” His face was so close or noses squished together. “I get respect. I’m not a man you want to mess with.”
“I literally walked away,” While I had a lot to drink I still felt like I made a fair argument.
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“I can be stupider.” There was no doubt in my mind that it was a dumb comment.
The angry father shook his head and declared, “I may make a living putting people right. But if you keep lipping off after disgracing my daughter I will put you wrong. I swear to Odin I will.”
“We got your back!” Glish shouted standing on Verg’s head. “I’m talking to you Elrin. Just for clarification. We’re on your team.” Vergusson, and Roan gave me thumbs up to clarify they’re also on my team. I facetiously returned the gesture. Then the hafflin shouted, “Yo big guy you gonna let him try to infest your family?”
Before I could yell Tabitha’s dad asked, “Who the fuck is that little man?”
The hafflin crossed his arms, “Glish Wick of house beat yo ass and fuck yo daughter.”
Dozens of people looked ready for weaponless combat. The father growled at my hafflin antagonist, “You little shit,” then looked at me with a fire in his eyes I’d seen on several occasions since I stepped foot in Kayos.
“So this is the part where you punch me in the face.”
I don’t know why I allowed him to land the first strike, but I ducked the second giving me a straight shot at his gut. When he keeled over in front of me, his men came in from the sides. Syrielle swiftly subdued one, and I noticed Nydorri with her bare human hands doing the same to another.
The elf maiden loudly shouted at the next men coming at her, “Let the girl fuck who she wants to fuck.” She kicked her next opponent in the nuts.
“What she said, but nicer,” Syrielle shouted, as she defeated two more in a far more polite method than the barbaric behavior the savage dressed in leaves just unleashed.
I had a quick boxing match with another fellow, but he didn’t last long. He really didn’t look like he had much experience in a fight at all, whereas I had plenty at this point. As I admired my work a chair smashed over my head. The father was back on top of me, choking me from behind. My elbows smashed into his gut, with no effect. I began to pry his fingers off.
He let the grip go and I scrambled away from him. As he grabbed another chair I kicked him in the butt from behind sending him hurtling forwards. I heard several loud screams, “What is that thing?”
Blondos was gone and three people were punching and kicking a red horned hellkin extremely hard. Without any weapons, an honorable man like Zorthos wasn’t going to unleash any of his demonic abilities.
I dashed behind one of the men, pulled him off, and then punched him in the face. Glish snuck up on another one. Freeing Zorthos to handle one in his own in a round of fisty cuffs. A task he handled just fine at that point.
Vergusson had about 8 men dog piling him, while Syrielle was making her way through 2 at a time. Roan was having fun. I couldn’t even tell what was going on with him. Because the healer was coming at me again.
He had yet another chair, but I elbowed him in the face pretty much putting him stiff in one shot. When I looked around I noticed a few men had grabbed swords, but they all appeared paralyzed. Come to think of it, I had no idea where Yarrick even was.
Once the whole fight was over everyone was huffing and puffing. No injuries appeared to be serious, other than the people unconscious and twitching. And all the blood. My homies looked fine overall.
Tabitha was near the bar looking worried.
I approached her with a soft smile and asked, “Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “I’m so sorry this happened. I didn’t mean to cause you any problems. I was just in the moment. I forget about the consequences. I didn’t mean to put you in danger.”
“We’ve been through far worse,” I told her, realizing that the music was still playing over the stereo. “I’m not bothered at all.” Holding my hand out to her I asked, “May I have this dance?”
“You just beat the shit out of my dad.”
We were on the road at the crack of dawn. The next town wasn’t far and I did not volunteer to perform this time. We stayed a normal amount then left again. The next map showed a pretty long hilly road ahead. Though along the way it didn’t feel like the best route. I did the best I could to make due for us.
I could walk 500 miles
And I could walk 500 more
To be a the man who walks a thousands miles
To fall down at your door
There’s a part where everyone could easily join.
Da da da
Da da da
And they were terrible at it.
Though we did need to try for some entertainment.
After crossing the long mountains, and not making friends with some goat people, we ended up in yet another insane looking jungle with more trees than any of us could name. This time, we didn’t have a map, but we did know if we kept traveling East, with a bit of North, we’d eventually see a big ass mountain and that’s what we’re looking for.
As we walked, I heard a loud thump accompanied by Roan whining, “Ow!”
He was rubbing his head as he knelt down to inspect a gourd. He scooped it up to look closer, “Is Elrin putting on another performance?”
“Huh?” I didn’t understand what he meant. “How is that… I don’t throw things.”
That annoying smile flashed across his douchey sailor face. “No, I thought I was getting caught in the crossfire.”
I almost questioned again until I realized he was referring to that time somebody was disappointed in my performance and threw food at me in The Titan’s Trap.
It would have been a good joke by the sailor, if it wasn’t for the fact that Glish was the one that threw the tomato. And I’m pretty sure he liked the song I was singing, but for some reason someone gave him a tomato.
“Look,” Nydorri pointed upwards. “He’s just saying hello.”
There was a monkey hanging from a tree. He was hollering at us holding another gourd preparing to throw it. Roan pointed at the animal that just threw the gourd at his head. “Glish, how did you get up in the tree?” He snickered to himself as he said it.
“Are you calling me a monkey?” The hafflin pouted.
“Gods!” Roan pumped his fist in celebration, “I’m on a roll.”
Before anyone noticed he was doing anything, Vergusson threw the gourd back at the monkey, but thankfully it missed. Glish barked at him, “Hey don’t play the monkey’s game.” Several people unironically pulled out more dangerous projectiles. As if he wasn’t surrounded by such behavior Glish continued to suggest, “We should tame the monkey.”
Zorthos raised his red finger happily, “Oh that’s a good idea. I like that one.”
“Disguise yourself as a monkey,” The hafflin demanded.
Syrielle enthusiastically added, “A pretty lady monkey.”
Very proud of his skills in illusion, Zorthos transformed himself into what I could only call a Monkeyperson. He could certainly pass as a beastman but no regular monkey. Yet when he crouched down and started making the noises, sounding very much like a person imitating a monkey, we all just nodded and pretended to be proud of him.
Lady-Monkeypersonos danced seductively backwards toward the chimp that hung from the tree. At first it just screeched, but then it went silent and stared at him curiously. The illusionist began to shake his hips even more ferociously.
I had a question on my mind, but thankfully Syrielle was there to ask it instead, “Hey Nydorri. Can’t you like… turn into an actual monkey? I feel like that’d be hotter for the monkey.”
Nydorri’s smirk never wavered. “Let the boys have their fun.”
The chimp dropped down from the tree to scream some more.
Roan stared with angry curiosity at his nemesis, “Do I want to kick a monkey?”
“Just let this play out first,” Glish patted him on the knee. “I wanna see where it goes.”
The monkey didn’t move from its position. It just screeched louder until we saw a few more monkeys show up hanging from different branches. A couple of them grabbed different fruit including more gourds off the trees.
“Don’t you dare!” Roan held his right thumb in the air and pointed his index finger at the monkey’s threatening to hit him in the head again. “I swear to Poseidon I will. I don’t care if it hurts me more you monkey fucker.”
Noticing a flaw in his insult I asked, “Isn’t that a compliment?”
As if he planned it all along he snapped, “Why do you want to fuck monkeys?”
More chimps showed up on the other side. From the sound of things they weren’t the last of them coming from the jungles. One of them threw an apple, then the rest followed in with the pandemonium.
We all ran straight for the wagon, thankfully most of our assailants had horrible aim. There was a loud yelp coming from my left, and I turned to see a monkey fall from a tree and hit the ground.
Vergusson pumped his chest with pride. “THAT’S HOW YOU THROW A GOURD!”
Zorthos chimed in with a clever quip, “Now that’s what I call squash.”
Nydorri ran to the front of the wagon, transforming herself into an ox after asking to be hooked up to the vehicle. Syrielle tied her very quickly to the front of the other oxen and the wagon. Before I reached the vehicle, a powerful destructive roar shook the trees, releasing every critter that hadn’t yet run from the mess we’d created.
“Guys what is happening?” Roan whined.
Most of the monkey’s had scattered away, and through the trees and the bushes, we saw it. A magnificent monster, nearly thirty feet tall by my estimation. I’d seen great apes before, but none of us had ever seen an ape this great.
My first question was, “So were those all the baby monkeys and that’s the mommy?”
Just as I finished asking, the ape stepped out of the leaves into full view. Vergusson pointed right at the exact body part that proved my theory wrong. “Dude?”
“Yeah I can see it’s their daddy now let’s go.”
We hopped aboard the wagon letting the horses take off. With Oxydorri at the lead, we moved at incredible speeds. Zorthos sat on the back, preparing to attack. As the massive ape charged he blasted it in the face with his eye beams. The attack barely stunned it for a moment, and it only appeared angrier afterwards.
“So may I ask why this is happening?” Syrielle asked the rather fair question.
Zorthos was breathing a little heavy after using his power, “I was trying to catch a tiny monkey because I wanted to start a circus.” His tone suggested he was disappointed she forgot. “And early on when I was seducing the monkey things were going well.”
When the beast realized it wasn’t going to catch the pace of the wagon, it roared very mightily and whiny. Then it ripped a tiny, though in most forests normal sized, tree from the ground. He probably could have thrown it right away but he had to flaunt it a bit. When he was done showing his strength off, he threw the tree right at us.
“Verg!” Syrielle screamed as she leapt towards him.
Before she even shouted, the half-orc shifted into position, holding his hand in a shot put pose. When her right foot connected to his palm he shoved her outwards and she extended her leg. The samurai launched through the air, slicing the tree straight in half causing both parts to crash on the ground beside us, but also leaving Syrielle behind the wagon.
The massive ape screamed at her once before lunging. I looked around for a rope, but only found one being tied up to a spear by Roan. “You must learn to think a little faster darling.” He chucked the spear then handed the other end to Vergusson.
Zorthos summoned a shield in his hand, an item I had never seen from him before. He dropped it on the ground below as the wagon pulled away. Syrielle grabbed the spear, let the momentum pull her along and then hopped on the devil’s shield gliding along the dirt.
Vergusson slowly reeled her in, and all of us were aboard once more on our way out of the jungle. Nydorri didn’t last long as an ox, and needed to hop back on the wagon. She gave both of our steeds berries and they took off like bats out of hades.
In about an hour we made it out of the jungle and into another desert. A more open space would make it easier to spot an incoming giant gorilla that could hide through the massive trees. It also makes it easier for the gorilla to spot us.
We quickly found a tribe of hafflin that were happy to take us in. They were very familiar with the gorillas, which was why they dwelled in the deserts nearby. As long as we were on the sands we would be safe from the beast. Still, it would be heavily advised that we find a different route home.
That town was by far my favorite town I’d ever stayed in. It had these bouncy things with springs called trampolines. We literally spent two days there. It was a total waste of our time.
The hafflin’s were polite enough to give us a map, leading us the rest of the way to Mount Dorrin. The map did not take into account the dire rats that would attack us, but honestly we handled them pretty easily. Or my comrades did so once again. Per usual, I was useless.
Other than that, the map was a lifesaver, and led us from one landmark straight to another until we found ourselves near the grassy hills that sat just before our destination. After half a week, we finally ended our 33 day journey to Mount Dorrin. There was a very flat road, leading us to the base of the mountain. We climbed the staircase up the side of the mountain for about 20 min. As we reached the end of the staircase we found a large black doorway with a security catwalk above it.
“Let’s get drunk,” Vergusson yelled up to the top.
Zorthos instantly disguised himself as a dwarf with his magic, showing off a beautiful red beard. Glish of course followed suit as well, announcing himself as a dwarf. To which Vergusson promptly decided that he was also a dwarf.
Roan knocked on the stone door. “Oi,” A voice replied through the rocks.
“‘Ello,” The helkin in glamor yelled out. “I’m also a dwarf.” Certainly something dwarves say to one another.
“What do you want?” The dwarf from behind the door yelled down again.
“We want to meet Gimble,” I yelled back. “I mean we’ve met Gimble. We’re here to meet him again. We’ve been traveling for days and I’m here to drink with the best of them.”
“Who are you?”
Glish interrupted. “We’re businessmen, we’re here on business.”
“We’re people from Grumbsy,” I yelled out. “We met the Great Gimble, Doc and some of their pals out West. He used this fellow’s brother’s blacksmithing station for blacksmithing. We just wanted to say hey how are things out here? And stuff like that.” I stopped yelling and whispered to Roan. “What are we doing here again?”
“We’re here to see the dwarves.” He didn’t seem at all disappointed in my explanation of us being there. Apparently I was pretty spot on.
“Is this a social visit?” I waited for him to reply and when he didn’t I blurted out, “Do you wanna do the talking? Because I don’t know if I’m talking right.”
“You’re our face,” he whined. “You want me to talk, I’ll talk.”
“I already got us in,” Glish declared.
“What?” I asked, while Roan didn’t care at all.
Glish pointed at the box we were carrying. “I showed them the cargo.”
The doors opened and after a long painful journey, we finally made it not just to the door, but inside Heather’s Keep. As we walked in the doors we saw Gimble turning the corner moving towards us in a hussle, “Roan! Just the man I needed to see. We got a job for you people.”
“We’re gonna get drunk first.”