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“If you find him before I do, save a poke for me,” I pretended to jab an imaginary rapier into a hypothetical former ally. Trying my best to show more anger than confusion. “I can’t believe we had a child murderer walking among us for so long. Ya think ya know a guy. Then you remember you don’t know anything about him. So it can’t really be all that shocking. Still, fuck him.”
This wasn’t the first time I’d been interrogated since my former ally’s night of child murder. Security has only doubled since two nights ago, when Koph Mana’s own The Assassin Danny, turned completely rogue and killed 9 of the richest business owners in a single evening. Nobody knows why, but nobody was surprised.
The human guards I was yelling at didn’t appear amused at all by my explanation. Not that I was scared of a few men with bronze chain mail armor. Especially not with my friends around me. But fighting them meant fighting the city and I’d rather not do that. My homies would love it, but we’d die. Thankfully, the investigation was being led by a hafflin named Carmichael who was far more open to hearing me out.
“So you say this assassin has been with your team for quite some time,” The tiny detective wearing bright pink pants and an orange shirt with blue gloves stood on a counter examining my whole gang, “But never truly revealed any information about himself?”
“I’ll fucking eat him if I see him,” Verg shouted. We didn’t prepare him to say anything, apparently he’s just as passionate about not killing children as the rest of us. Maybe that’s because of us. Maybe it’s because he thinks Glish is a child. Thankfully, the tiny blacksmith wasn’t around at the time because I imagine he would have fucked things up for us some how.
Syrielle patted Verg on the shoulder while addressing our small interrogator. “We promise you. If we find him first, all you’ll ever see is his head.”
“I’ll cut his fucking dick off…”
“We get it,” Carmichael raised his arms. “I believe you. But if I have a reason not to,” He gestured to the well armed guards around him, “Our men will be happy to throw you behind bars. Don’t forget, you’re in Koph Mana. This air isn’t as free as it is in the rest of Kayos.”
Then they left us alone, but we were confident they were keeping an eye on us after that. Thing was, all we wanted to do was hunt down that fucker Yarrick for the shit he was causing all of the crew. Not a single one of us was lying about what we were gonna do to that child killing sack of shit.
Unless our early suspicions that he didn’t really do it were true. Everything about the accusations seemed suspect. Mainly the fact that they saw him. That doesn’t sound like the Yarrick I know. But, I suppose the reason he was spotted by the guards is because they’re a lot better at looking for people than we are.
And, the more I thought about it, the more I remembered I don’t fucking trust him. So we were ready to join the hunt if it meant saving kids and our own asses. Though without any leads I didn’t really know what to do. None of us had even seen Roan since the first day we were here. So I just went back to the Arcane Spire in the morning to learn from the healers that would teach.
I found myself under the tutelage of an old woman named Blayne. She was incredibly kind and patient. There were several other people in the classroom as well along with me. We began by learning to focus what little magic we had into the tips of our fingers. That was the end of the first lesson.
And from there, I began to struggle very much. Blayne was very kind in her guidance. “I’ve seen many talented magicians struggle at the start. Men and women that appear talentless in the beginning only to discover what works for them and exceed even me. Who knows what your future holds, it’s on you to find your focus.”
I’m not good at focusing.
My classmates started learning to massage their whole bodies and lightly work out their soreness as I was still figuring out how to pull the mana from my mind to my fingers, send it to my toes and back again.
I trained for five days straight. Starting the morning after the crappy story. On that fifth day I returned to the inn with Syrille and Vergusson. She was trying to give me advice about how to be better at healing. But she wasn’t good at giving advice on topics outside of fighting with swords, so she’d get super pissed when people wouldn’t listen to her.
Verg didn’t really contribute to the conversation, he was still grumpy that Glish just sort of wandered off the day after we fought the poop goblins. Not that he would have drank any less, or been any help in the conversation about magic.
Nydorri and Zorthos hadn’t been around for a while either. The devilman spent most of his time studying in the spire, but also apparently had been mingling around town. Vergusson said he saw him one night when Syrielle and I went to a different tavern. The wood elf, on the other hand, I had actually seen around the base of the spire hanging out with other elves. Also Syrielle hung out with her a few times around town, but I wasn’t there.
I was growing quite curious and perhaps worried about Roan, until I saw him come sauntering in the door. And much to my surprise he was not alone. He wasn’t with the tiny one we wanted to kill so badly. He was however, with someone only slightly taller.
Maybe the first enemy I met in Kayos.
If you don’t count Sam.
Or Glish.
“Hey guys,” Nosikol waved, showing great excitement to see his friends. “Would you like some more riddles? I think you got it this time Elrin. You just need to take a minute and think it through without rushing.”
“Roan!” Syrielle shouted, “I’m gonna kill all your friends.”
“This ain’t my fucking friend,” He angrily walked away from the fight the was coming.
Her katana flashed straight out towards the trickster, but Nosikol picked up a knife on a nearby table to block her attack. The blade in his hand glowed just a slight tinge of silver in his hand, and my eyes could just barely see a flair of magic.
Before she could attack again, he snatched her arm with his free hand, and swiftly judo threw her to the ground. The whole time holding her wrist, never once touching her sword. Verg lunged from behind him.
Nosikol’s free hand extended, and he blew a purple smoke into the half-orc’s face.
Verg missed his strike. Then began to stumble uncontrollably. Then he collapsed.
He really was adorable when he snored on the floor.
Syrielle was trying to wrap her feet around Nosikols head, but he flipped around, throwing her through the air crashing into a table. “Okay!” He shouted. “Can that be enough, or do you need to nap like you’re a large friend here?” The elf pointed to the half-orc. “Because I’m not killing you. That’s not why I’m here. I would fail at what I’m here for.”
“Piece of shit saved me,” Roan announced as he sat at the bar.
“What?” Those of us still conscious asked.
The bartender had begun to complain that we were causing a problem but I quickly offered to pay for the damage. To which Nosikol insisted that not only he be the one to reimburse the business for the mess. In fact he was going to replace it with a finer table, from a quality carpenter in town. Then he insisted on purchasing everyone’s drinks.
Once all that was squared away he gestured to Roan, “I’m sure they were all eager to hear what the hell you’re talking about.”
“I spent most of the week hanging around Westville,” The sailor had never looked happier. “Some of the best times of my life. Then, I pissed off the wrong people. Ended up with a bag over my head and tied up in someone’s basement.” The scoundrel stopped telling his story to order a drink.
Knowing he might forget to continue, I asked, “And that’s when he saved you?”
“No,” Roan was offended. “I broke outta there just fine.” He grabbed and chugged his drink asking for another immediately. I pressed him to continue and he explained, “I can do that because I’m good at stuff. Then someone else snagged me. A fucking magician. Powerful shit.” He snapped his fingers. “That’s when Nos over there came in. Saved my ass.”
Nosikol nodded, “There are those who really don’t like you and the friends you’ve made.” He titled his head, closing his eyes like I saw him do before. “And there are those who have plans for you. The latter doesn’t want the former to ruin their plans. That’s where I come in.”
This whole conversation was pissing me off. “So you’re here to protect us?”
“From some…”
He took a step backwards.
“My jurisdiction is quite limited. I wouldn’t take my eyes off the shadows, simply because I’m there protecting you.” He began to walk out the door, “Especially since, as my employer knows, I do have other obligations in town.” With a bow he said, “Perhaps next time you’ll be calm enough for a riddle.” Then he exited.
Vergusson woke up abruptly. Syrielle was furious about losing another fight.
Roan was irritated by the fact that he was just saved by someone he didn’t like, and that his other friend was a child murdering psychopath. Something I was very relieved to see he was furious about. He insisted we go find some sort of adventure for the day.
“So,” I remembered what we talked about last time without ever actually following up, “You guys wanna go fuck up the criminal underworld?”
Syrielle grabbed hold of her sword, “Yes.” She began to pray to Artemis, the goddess of hunting, not the douchey Apollo lover I hate so much. That’s Fartemis.
“Uhhh…” Roan hesitated. “I’m a part of the criminal underworld.”
“Here?”
“Everywhere.”
“So…” I pondered on my sketchy friend. “You can help us get in?”
He shook his head. “No, you misunderstand why I told you that. It’s because I don’t want to do that.” I had known for a long time my friend Roan was a sketchy piece of shit. My hope was that I had rubbed off on him. It’s more likely the other way around.
“Okay?” Syrielle was growing as eager as I. “What do you wanna do?”
The scoundrel thought about it. “Well did we do what we came here to do?”
She nodded. “Yeah we delivered the trunk and spread the word about Grumbsy.”
“Well,” He was very much in the mood to turn down. “You don’t want to take down the criminal underworld, because the corrupt politicians will just take over. There’s a balance.”
“Can’t we just take down a shady faction?” I tried my hardest to find a compromise, “I’m a bard, I exaggerate everything I just wanted to wreck a few gangsters.”
“I mean,” Roan rolled his eyes, “Criminals kill each other all the time. I’m sure we could find the type of work you’re looking for.”
“Go be bad guys?” I nodded begrudgingly.
Syrielle was also not so excited about being shady, but wanted to work and preferred metaphorically dirty missions over one’s with actual poop involved. “As long as these people have done something wrong…”
“Well everybody’s done something wrong,” The sailor has seen the world. That is a fact no one can deny. I just wish he’d be less of a wienr about it.
“I’m willing to wrong the wrong people,” I patted the sailor on the back. “If they want us to go fuck up some other gangsters I’m down to go fuck up other gangsters.”
After a while of bickering Roan decided that before anything else it was time he checked out the Arcane Spire. Lucky for him, we had another appointment with Monty today. Verg didn’t want to go back, so it was simply Roan, Syrielle and myself. At this point I knew how to get there pretty quickly. When we arrived at the base of the spire, Nydorri spotted us and started chatting with Syrielle. Suddenly she was joining us on our walk upstairs. Apparently she hadn’t gone inside yet which I found odd since she hung around outside of it with the other elves the whole time.
We made our way all the way up to Monty’s room where we were greeted ecstatically. “New guests,” The head mage hopped up upon seeing us. “We are honored to have you,” he shook hands with the two new people. “It’s a pleasure to have you here? How have you all been?”
“Crappy,” I quickly took hold of the conversation. “I don’t know if you heard, but some dude we thought we were friends with just killed a bunch of kids. And I don’t care whose kids they were. You kill children, you are not with me. Also we dealt with poop, so me replying crappy was technically hilarious.”
Monty acknowledged the humor then grew upset about the first thing I said, “Yes, we did hear about that.” He shook his head. “Such a shame. The only fate I wouldn’t wish upon the Prince. Those children of his didn’t deserve the wrath of his ignorance. And this rogue friend of yours…” He trembled, but it didn’t look like fear. He was impressed. “What a crafty little bastard. He’s been completely able to avoid my vision. Along with the eyes of several of my students. Every Investigator in the Royal District is stumped.”
Wanting to change the subject, but not really, I asked, “What about The Assassin Danny? Has anybody figured out his motivation yet?”
“Money,” Monty shrugged his shoulders. “The question was who paid him to do so? The city paid him quite handsomely to take out our most dangerous threats. Without him, none of our enemies fear us any longer.”
Syrielle licked her lips, “This guy sounds awesome.”
“Who the hell is he?” Nydorri asked.
“A freelance rogue,” He explained, sounding both impressed and a little scared. “A magician and a former student of mine. Though, he hadn’t been for many years. The Spire barely called for his help. But I admit we have a time or two.”
Roan also liked the sound of this guy, “Is he a powerful magician?”
“If I taught the samurai here a magic trick would you call her a powerful magician?” We all understood his point immediately. “He might be the deadliest man in the city,” Monty explained. “His skills as a magician are a bit limited, but with his other skills they are quite potent. Not too mention, he has quite a few friends himself. And with the way we’ve paid him. He’s got the resources when he needs to move mountains.”
“What about Nosikol?” I just assumed he’d heard of my old nemesis.
My assumption was correct. “Is he on your team?” From the way he asked the question, I could tell he knew we didn’t like Nos at all. But he also clearly knew him well enough to understand that people who know him probably don’t always get to decide the nature of their relationship with him.
“He said he’s protecting us from people in the shadows.”
Roan interjected, “I was kidnapped by some ninja and Nos got me out. I’d rather have nothing to do with him, but he’s not going away.”
“I’d play along until he leaves you alone,” Monty sounded quite frustrated to explain this. “Who knows who he’s working for. Sometimes I wonder if he’s ever even had an employer. But he’s incredibly well connected. Not only is he one of the most gifted magicians I’ve ever seen in my life, he has more friends than any I’d ever seen. We treat him as royalty, as much of his power operates the same as that of a king.”
“Would you have any idea who is pulling his strings?”
“He’ll tell you when you need to know.”
The wicked elf of riddles wasn’t the part of the story Roan was interested in. “What about the people that took me? The ones that Nos saved me from?”
Monty shrugged. “That’s… A confusing question. Koph Man has been known to attract warriors of the shadows. You’re the one that would know who your enemies are.”
Roan nodded, “Most people.”
“Well we don’t have any idea who hired Yarrick,” I inquired. “Unless he’s secretly got a thing for killing royal children or some shit like that.”
Monty stroked his slight goatee. “Mmm… That’s an interesting question. Most believe it to be the request of the Whyld Heimr. A conglomerate of elven tribes that populate much of the peninsula to the East of here. We’ve tried multiple times to set up mines and ports over there but with little success. Conflict has arisen through the years. We have done our best to minimize it, but things are only getting worse. The Church has been advocating for a military counter for a long time now. I have been opposed to war. The prince for years was undecided. And now he has decided.”
Nydorri sounded horrified, “Koph Mana is going to war?”
“Not if I can help it,” Monty declared. “The Master of Games received his wish. The spire will no longer stand without a champion. I have challenged Grand Warden Prince Lindhart Sargon to resolve our conflict on the day of 8 duels. Our most powerful War mage will face his Champion.”
Syrielle stepped forward, “You have the best fighter in Koph Mana right here.” She’d been eager to join the festivities since she heard of them.
Monty laughed, “A confident one you are.”
I was almost surprised to hear it, “The day is still on?” At this point we’d learned a lot about the Day of 8 Duels around town. Basically a lot of rich folk settle some of their most petty grievances by offering up champions to fight in an arena. Thing was a lot of the rich folk were just murdered by Danny The Assassin. “I assumed with the sponsor’s gone…”
“Many of the sponsors had families that picked up right where they left off,” Monty explained. “And with power vacuums comes even more conflict. It wasn’t hard to get a couple of somewhat rich folk to fight for the chance to be richer.” The magician crossed his arms impressed. “He really worked for it this year. Especially with the Church refusing to participate in any conflict.”
Roan snidely mocked, “Probably scared.”
Monty shook his head, “The high priest and his family are some of the most powerful fighters I’ve ever seen. And they always have powerful warriors under their employ. They recently hired an elven swordsmen that many fans were sad to hear is in town, but not participating. But, the church has its reasons to stand down.”
I frustratedly said, “They’re probably secretly funding half the fights anyways. They always have skin in the game.”
Roan wagged a finger at me, “My man’s got a point.”
For now. Let’s discuss the many things you brought me,” He poured out several of the trinkets on the table. “After checking it thoroughly, it is quite clear to me these cursed items have nothing to do with Reija. In fact I believe this may be connected to something I’ve been dealing with out here.” He flicked a mirror until it glowed several colors. “There’s been some graveyard robberies up North. Along with some suspicious magical activity happening around here. Also one of my best mages strayed off the path. A few years ago.”
My eyes scrunched, “That sounds like the thing you should have started with.”
“What’s his name?” Syrielle asked, almost foaming at the mouth.
I knew his name. We all knew his name. It wasn’t a heavily populated world, there could only be one man who is doing this. Unless it was someone else, because it’s actually a very populated world, but there’s not that many powerful sorcerers.
“Have you heard of…” Monty began to talk and wobbled his head. “You’ve probably never heard of him.” Then he straightened his head, “Do you know the name Malfeasance?”
I smirked arrogantly. “We have heard of Malfeasance.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
Monty raised his eyebrows. “I trained him about 50 years ago.”
“We fell into one of his lairs. Among other things…” I was just as eager to get some answers as the lady of the forest. We may finally put an end to a member of our rogues gallery.
The master mage had a face of perplexion. “Where?” He pulled up a map of the realm, and handed it to me. Roan pulled out the spell book we found in the dark sorcerer’s little dungeon to give to Monty for further inspection.
The head mage examined the book curiously. “Would you mind if I look through this?” He started doing so before giving an answer.
“No go ahead,” Roan told him.
Why would Roan hand it to him if he didn’t want him to look at it?
He skimmed through it, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” He closed the book. “This must be a pretty out of date book, he knew way more spells when he worked with me, and he’s gotten a lot more powerful since then. What’s worse is he has several powerful Apostles. Students of his dark magic.” The elf rolled his hand about in frustration. “Many of them are even gaining acolytes of their own. I’m afraid dark forces may be rising.”
I cracked my knuckles. “So you want us to do the fighting?”
“You can try.”
“Where can we find him? Or where do we start looking?” I’m crossing a name off the list.
Monty then gave us all the info he could. The dark wizard started going in the restricted section of the library, though he had access. Began doing experiments that they could not condone, experiments on the living in unsavory ways. And then after the head mage confronted Malfeasance, the dark sorcerer fled. Never to be heard from since.
We explained our encounters with black magic in the last year. I gave as many details as I could about the sorcerer in the cave. When we told him Zorthos was there, he said he’ll ask the helkin for details himself later. After that, he just discussed with Nydorri about Helen. Then he talked to Nydorri and Roan regarding what happened at the Hades temple.
He wasn’t sure Helen had anything to do with Malfeasance, but the other two were quite suspicious of him. The Grand Mage was quite insistent that someone deal with these problems sooner rather than later.
Of course we don’t turn down.
Except any future poo related missions. We don’t want any more of those.
He offered to do more research on the topic and get back to us someday down the road, when we are more ready. The master mage didn’t want to stir the pot too much for now. The last thing he wanted was a sorcerer declaring war on this city, and having an undead army storming the gates. Especially with the Whyld Heimr threatening assassins. Not to mention the nearby Doomrock orcs that could be causing problems any time now.
The mere mention of them got Verg all riled up.
We thanked him for the information and asked if there was any work he could give us while we were in town. “Perhaps anything involving fighting crime?” I slipped in before Roan could phrase it a different way.
“We have more options now that we don’t have the heathens with us,” The sailor didn’t seem at all bothered by the way I asked the question at this point. He just wanted work.
“Yes I do,” Monty informed us. “There is a shopkeeper in the uh… Merchant sector. With the name of Hawkle. He’s been illegally importing a little something something. Magically. And I would like you to stop that as I’m worried he’s bringing unsavory items to town.” He took a brief pause for us to take it all in but it wasn’t that much information. “So I would like you guys to fine him 100 gold.”
“What if he attacks us?” Syrielle asked.
“Defend yourself,” was the reply.
“Can we kill him?” She asked slowly.
“If he breaks the peace you can dispose of him,” Monty assured us. “Please don’t cause any undue damage to the town. My fellow Hierarchs tend to dislike my lack of organization, but I really feel like I can trust you guys.”
I raised my hand. “So are we acting as the law of the city?”
The older elf nodded to me. “I will write you a law enforcement pass.”
“That is my favorite term I have ever heard,” I exclaimed.
Syrielle was perplexed. “So you can just deputize people?”
The higher mage shook his head incredibly annoyed. “I am one of the 3 Hierarchs of this town. I can write whatever fantasy passes I want to. Eat it.”
“We should tell Trant about this idea,” Syrielle was extremely giddy at the idea. “Because we should all be allowed to write passes for whatever we want when we get back.”
Monty grew annoyed and wanted us to leave. So we left, heading to the merchant district with our law enforcement passes, ready to find a criminal.
We spent a couple of hours looking around to no avail. Though it was relaxing and peaceful to walk around town. Until Syrielle started arguing with some protestors of The Labor Coalation. Not that she had a problem with their movement, she just wanted to know where their champion was. Sir Dorney Yellow was considered by many to be the greatest swordsman of Koph Mana. It came as a great surprise to many that he chose to represent the people.
The Investor’s Union attempted to pay him off, but he insisted his decision was to be honorable. They did their best to hire as powerful a warrior as they could find. In their desperation they sent scouts to try and hire a nearby Orc from the Doom Rock tribe. The scouts didn’t return.
Ultimately, they were able to hire, Viper, from far to the South. A royal warrior, well protected by dozens of guards at all times. There was no way she was getting close to him. Which was in stark contrast, to Sir Dorney Yellow, who had a habit of dueling with a new warrior every day.
Also, there was no way I would morally allow her to fight for the Investor’s Union. So she’s definitely not challenging their champion and replacing him.
The protesters explained at nauseam they have no idea where the swordsman was. So we were able to pull her away and continue on our lawful mission.
A few hours later we found where we needed to be. Roan took the lead, don’t know why he wasn’t before, and led us straight to a 1 room vase shop where our intended target worked at.
“Hello sir,” I announced walking in. “What is your name?”
“My name is McNeil,” The man working the counter replied.
“My name is Elrin,” I shook his hand. “I’m looking for a fellow named Hawkle.”
He seemed worried. “I have an assistant manager named Hawkle.”
Roan placed his hand on my shoulder. “I got this.” I stepped aside and let my sketchier friend take over. “As said, we’re looking for Hawkle. And it would be in everybody’s best interest, above all Hawkle’s if we found him.”
“It’s his day off.”
“Do you know where he lives?” The sailor pressed forward.
“I do.”
“Will you tell us where he lives?”
McNeil shook his head, growing extremely uncomfortable. “I don’t want to impede on the privacy of my employees, how can I help you?” He said the last part as if he was going to will the reality in front of him out of existence.
“Well sir,” I slammed the new beautiful piece of paper Monty gave us earlier down on the table. “You are impeding the investigation of people with a law enforcement pass. And we demand to know where Hawkle is.” I was very persuasive
“Wow,” The shop owner was amazed. “I’ve never seen a law enforcement pass before.” He picked the paper up to look at it. “It’s quite powerful.”
“It holds the full authority of the gods,” Roan told him, possibly telling the truth.
McNeil nodded in acknowledgement. “He stays at an inn in the merchant quarters.”
“An inn? What a fuckin loser,” Syrielle interjected.
The man then began to hype up his vase shop and Roan kept telling him, “I’m not here to buy a vase.” Of course the shop owner persisted, so Roan smacked him, and we left.
“Jokes on you. We’re gonna tell everyone not to come to your vase shop now,” Nydorri taunted on our way out the door. “And we’re really popular.”
“Yeah fuck you,” I added. I get really weird sometimes.
We only walked about a minute before Roan came up with an idea. “We should threaten to fine this guy, until he brings Hawkle to us. It’s his vase shop after all.”
Syrielle liked the idea. “He is the sole proprietor.”
I didn’t love it as much. “You wanna walk back in after we already walked out?”
“Absolutely,” Roan exclaimed, marching towards McNeil’s vase shop.
I let out a sigh. “Fine I’m down.” We turned around and walked back towards the shop.
“Oh you guys decided to buy a vase I see,” McNeil exclaimed as we reentered.
“Shut up,” Nydorri yelled.
Syrielle handed him a slip of paper that read, “Fine, 100 gold.”
“What?” The shopkeeper was justifiably angry at this point.
Placing my hand gently on the counter, I politely explained. “This is your shop. You bring us Mr. Hawkle and we’ll make him pay the fine.”
“I can’t pay 100 gold.”
“Well,” Syrielle shrugged without any sympathy. “You can’t import illegal vases either.”
McNeil was furious. “Which one of these vases is illegal? I paid a tariff on every vase in here.” He held out his arms presenting his shop.
The samurai began pointing at Random vases. “That one looks illegal. That one looks illegal. That one’s kinda iffy. I mean the shape of it looks kinda illegal to me.”
He shook his head, “I’ll call the real guards here.”
“WE HAVE A LAW ENFORCEMENT PASS!” We all yelled in perfect unison.
“Call the guards,” Roan urged.
“We’ll get Monty involved,” Syrielle threatened.
“Let’s see what the guards think of the illegal activity,” I added.
“Yeah, bring more eyes on this,” Nydorri mocked.
“We’re being such bullies,” Syrielle observed with delight.
“I know,” Nydorri snickered like they were on a sleepover. “I don’t even care.”
“I don’t have a 100 gold, I did nothing wrong, this is bullshit,” McNeil whined.
“No. You are responsible for your shop,” Roan told him.
“Nothing in my shop is illegal, you’re free to search it,” He offered.
So we began to search, of course none of us knew what the hell we were looking for but we sure seemed confident in what we were doing. Roan, who I realize is a very experienced smuggler, checked the books to see if all the numbers matched up.
Nydorri, who I know is good at detecting magic, pointed towards several different vases asking, “Well what about these vases?”
He tried to claim there was nothing wrong, but when Roan pulled the vases down to inspect them, he found vials of magical potions inside. “This looks illegal,” The former smuggler announced.
“Those are small clear vases,” McNeil told us clambering to cover his ass. “They are uh… Decorative liquids.”
“That’s not a thing,” Syrielle criticized.
“So you wouldn’t mind if I just dumped them out?” Roan asked.
“Yes I would mind,” The shop owner was growing more fearful. “You’re messing up my merchandise. What’s wrong with you people? I’m just trying to make a living here.”
“I see no record of these in your books,” Syrielle countered.
“Well I bought the vases,” His eyes darted around the room as if he was going to find an answer somewhere within his stock. “And they came with free sample size vases.”
“Oh so they’re samples. So we can take them?” Syrielle grabbed the vials.
We all gestured towards the door.
He looked like he was going to cry. “No, they’re my samples. I don’t walk into your blacksmith shop and start taking your daggers samples.”
“Don’t own a blacksmith shop. Your reference is irrelevant.” I spoke quickly and firmly.
Roan inspected the vials closer. “So if you opened one of these up and drank them you’ll be fine?” He held it closer to McNeil’s face, almost forcing it down his throat.
“Yeah.”
“Okay go ahead,” Roan held one out to the shop owner.
“No,” He began to clamber harder. “You guys are illegal, get out of here.”
I felt like I was talking to Glish. I was so frustrated. “We… Have… A law enforcement… Pass.” Holding the paper in front of his face I yelled, “Do you know what this means?”
None of us did.
“These are clearly potions,” Nydorri challenged him, holding the glowing vials.
Syrielle grabbed one as well. “I have a friend up North who owns a haberdashery and he says the vials of potions require crazy taxes. I don’t see anything like that in the inventory.”
“Aight guys,” McNeil relaxed, clearly ready to start giving us actual intel. “Hawkle lives in Poseidon’s Point. On the 3rd floor.”
“How about you give us the potions and we won’t tell the guards?” Nydorri told him.
“I can’t give you the potions,” The man was clearly exhausted. “I can give you one potion if you promise never to come back again.”
“How about…” Roan began and I knew he was gonna lay down the long dick of the law. “We confiscate the potions and don’t give you an additional 100 gold fine for having this illegal merchandise.” He crossed his arms proudly. “Because clearly you knew about it.”
“I’ll just declare them and pay taxes on them,” He slammed his hands on his desk. “I’ll do it today, that’ll be cheaper than just giving them to you.”
“That’s fair,” I said.
“That’s true,” Roan agreed. “Can’t do anything if you do things legally.”
“Okay, I’ll do it.” McNeil assured us.
“I’ll be back to check on you,” Roan told him, though he probably won’t.
“You are welcome,” I exclaimed. “Some asshole coulda came in here and fined you for everything. And you know what we did. We were nice.” With that I spun around and walked out the door.
“Maybe I’ll buy a vase,” I said loudly as we left. Then I didn’t buy one.
We climbed down the docks. On the second to last floor on the way down, there was a landing area, with several shops around. And that is where we found The Poisedon’s Point. There were merchants, and little girls selling clams.
Hastily, we walked past all the shops and directly to the living space of Hawkle. Roan approached the counter to speak with the innkeeper; Brutis.
“What can I do you for?” The grungy man asked us.
“We’re looking for a man named Hawkle.”
“I got men for sale upstairs,” Brutis replied. “Are you a seaman by trade?”
“I like boats,” Roan told him. “I’m asking you if you can tell me where this man is.”
This guy was definitely not the narking type. “Why you asking for him?”
“We’re vase enthusiasts,” Roan told him. “And we would benefit from some potions.”
“Well maybe for a couple a coin I can tell ya where he is.”
“Or…” I reached into my pocket. “You can just tell us where he is!” I held up the Law Enforcement Pass believing it would get me through the door. It did not.
“Sorry,” Roan said, “That’s a toy we gave this kid to make him feel special. Just ignore him. Unless you need a singer. Boy can sing.”
Apparently we were in a seedy bar, and these people are unlikely to respond to law enforcement. This information was allegedly explained earlier when I mostly wasn’t listening.
Roan of course challenged the man to an arm wrestling competition for the information. Brutis, who despite his bad ass name was not a big man and had no interest in the competition. But Roan was persistent. “If you win, I’ll give you 15 gold. I win, you tell me where he is.”
Brutis pondered for a moment. “This sounds ludicrous. I am no arm wrestler.”
“Pick your champion,” I challenged.
The inn keep took a moment to think about the offer. It was a suspicious offer from Roan, but one too good to pass up. “What if I have my barback arm wrestle you?”
“What if I have your barback wrestle my samurai,” The sailor pointed to Syrielle.
“Well that doesn’t seem fair,” Brutis replied. “Arm wrestling a lady.”
Syrielle laughed.
“All the more reason to give it a shot,” Roan told him.
The seedy inn owner stroked his chin. “Alright, but if I win you give me 25 gold. If you win, I’ll tell you where Hawkins is.”
“Deal,” I declared.
This big burly human looking guy came walking over. Syrielle plopped down on a bench, sticking her arm across the table. “Are you ready?”
“Uh… I am ready,” He told her as he sat down across from her.
Not long after he sat down, they locked up their hands, and the match began. It was back and forth at first, both of them so strong. It went on for several minutes, and it was dead even. But then Roan shouted, “Over the top!” And with a nod, Syrielle changed her grip on the thumb, so that her hand was completely over his, and slammed his mighty arm on the table.
The barback rose in shame, before sauntering away while Brutis shook his head. “Wow you’re all pretty strong.” I don’t know what that meant. He saw one person do something and three people watched.
“Bet my tits I am,” Syrielle exclaimed, pumping her chest.
Begrudgingly, the innkeeper informed us that Hawkle does business in the basement of the establishment. Literally the building we were in at the time. We thanked him and headed downstairs. Taking note of all the warriors around us.
There were a lot of them.
As we got to the basement there were two burly men standing there in thick heavy armor guarding a door. “What are you guys doing here?” Said the one to the right holding a battle ax.
“We’re here to see Hawkins,” Replied our man on the left. Roan.
The other guard was holding a broadsword. “He’s right back here. Do you have an appointment? Is he expecting you?”
“Yes he is,” I told him. “Yes he is.”
“Okay go ahead,” He exclaimed, letting us through.
There were a lot of barrels of whiskey and shipping stuff down there. As we walked through the hall it kinda opened up and there was a darker skinned human sitting at a desk. He looked up at us surprised. “Hello, what can I do for you guys?”
“Do you go by Hawkle?”
“I go by a lot of things.”
“That sounds like a yes to me…”
“What’s up?” He asked, changing the subject.
“We were just at your vase shop,” Syrielle looked very pretentious.
“Okay,” He nodded.
“And you had some interesting things in the vases,” I told him.
“We spoke with management,” Syrielle continued. “They referred us to you. That you’ve been taking in some shipments that weren’t 100% by the books.”
Hawkle raised his shady eyebrows. “So that old man squealed on me?”
“No,” I told him. “He tried his best, but we searched the establishment and he kept trying to tell us he didn’t know what was going on, but we knew what it was we found.” I try to save lives when I can.
The dark skin toned man leaned back in his chair. “Well what can I do for you?”
I held out my hands, “Give us 100 gold.”
“No,” Roan raised his hand. “We’re fining you 100 gold.”
Syrielle instructed, “Now you hold up the law enforcement pass.”
I stuck it right in his face. “Have you seen one of these Mr. Hawkle?”
The gangster looked at the paper very closely. “No.”
“It’s super legit,” Nydorri claimed.
“It sounds like you made that up,” Hawkle argued.
“Me and Monty have some serious issues,” I whispered to my friends. Turning back to the criminal in front of us I loudly asked. “Would you like to take this up with Monty? At the Spire?”
“No,” He didn’t think about the options we gave him for too long. “So if I give you 100 gold you’ll go away and forget you saw all of this?”
“Absolutely,” I told him.
“No,” Roan and I were not on the same page. “The 100 gold doesn’t come to us, it gets paid to the Arcane Spire.” It was as if he was replaced by a different and completely honorable man out of nowhere.
We looked around the seedy basement at all of the crates and realized Monty completely underestimated the amount of contraband being smuggled into the city. But we are not taking a bribe from him for 100 gold. We are fining him for his crime, and we can still report more crimes.
“Sir we are just here to get the 100 gold from you,” I told him. “By the power invested in us by this very legit Law Enforcement Pass. I demand you hand it over and we can be on our way for now.”
“But…” Syrielle raised a threatening finger. “You should probably move your business elsewhere, because we’ll probably have to come back. Once Monty is aware.”
“Because when we tell Monty about this,” Roan declared. “It’ll be an even higher fine.”
He looked at us confused by the offer we were giving him. It was definitely good on his end, and he wasn’t likely to get this offer from any other law enforcement officers. “You’re not worth cleaning my sword over.” Syrielle assured him.
Hawkle looked at his short sword on the desk in front of him. The warrioress laughed. “Cute,” She noted and he made sure to keep his hands in eyesight. Then she concluded, “You might want to find a new town to be shady in.”
“Okay,” He shrugged casually. “Who’d you say you are paying?”
“Monty,” She said suspiciously. “Of the Arcane Spire.”
I collected the gold and turned to walk away. “Taking down the criminal underworld one smuggler at a time.” Badassly, I began to walk out the door, but Syrielle wasn’t done.
“This isn’t good enough,” She told us.
Roan tried to ease the situation. “Let’s go back to Monty…”
“No,” Syrielle objected. “I can tell he lied to me. Now I just wanna kill him.”
“If you kill him we can’t get more money out of him later,” Roan argued loudly.
“Fine…” She whined.
“Exactly,” He snapped his fingers.
“We can…” I said looking around at the barrels that we could, “…sell…”
Roan looked at me in disbelief. “Do you have the vast knowledge of the underground criminal network on Koph Mana in order to properly move all of this product?”
“…We can’t.
“Let’s go back to Monty,” Roan urged.
“Okay,” Syrielle agreed as we began to walk.
But when we turned to depart, I heard a yelp of pain from the samurai. The shady bastard holding his short sword in her back. It was a devastating attack from a weasley assassin that dropped our most fearsome and battle tested soldier to the ground.
“GUARDS,” Hawkle screamed.
I dove at him slashing so that he couldn’t stab her again.
“Whatever we do just don’t ruin everything in here,” Roan casually told us, before the battle began. “We were ordered not to make a fuss.”
“I’m useless,” Nydorri whined before she became a squirrel.
Battle always makes loud noises, and loud noises often result in reinforcements. The two guards came running into the room, one of them jumping on a crate. I could hear more men shuffling down the stairs. I should have focused on the assassin in front of me, but I took my eyes off of him to see what was going on for only a split second. He took the advantage and forced me back to the wall. With nowhere to go, I had no choice but to attack, my stab missed, and I just barely dodged his slash.
My foot drove into his gut. But he was on his feet slashing again before I could do much. With no regard for his own wellbeing he dove again, I parried and feinted. But he didn’t fall for it. He quickly slashed at my stomach, but I just barely dodged in time to poke him in the gut.
We were both hurt, but I stepped through the pain to slash his chest. As I blocked his next weak strike I kicked him to the ground again. “You know my friend’s say I’m not that good, so, looks like Koph Mana…”
Suddenly my mouth stopped working. Every muscle seized up, and the wound he created burned like the center of a volcano. My legs collapsed and I slumped to the ground realizing his blade was poisoned.
Mr. Hawkins chugged vial of green liquid at his desk. I quickly saw the wound in his chest begin to close. “See the thing about Koph Mana, is like all things, our warriors are the future.” Standing right in front of me he prepared to end my life. “We care little for fighting the honorable way.”
Just as he finished his monologue, a squirrel scurried on to my stomach. He took a second pause of confusion as the critter hopped up, transforming into Nydorri, smashing her staff into his chin, “LEAVE MY BEST FRIEND ALONE!”
Hawkle flew through the air crashing into his desk with a loud thump.
“What?” Was the only word my poisoned body could muster.
The elf knelt next to me and blew a powder in my face before dashing away. It smelled of fresh lilies and roses. My body slowly returned to normal. When I was able to turn my head, I saw Syrielle was standing to her feet. Nydorri must have gotten to her as well. Also she was just a lot stronger at fighting poisons than me.
Hawkle was getting up from the debris of his work desk. While the vial had done quite a bit of work, the wounds I created weren’t fully healed yet. And now he looked pretty banged up from Nydorri’s attack. The elf was now off fighting thugs upstairs, from what I could hear, leaving the gang lord to focus on the samurai. “Oh you want more pain bitch?”
“I don’t like that word bitch.”
He put her right on the back foot. And she was growing exhausted immediately. But I was growing stronger. Not that strong. Just enough to throw my rapier. I didn’t get a cool neck shot but it grazed his shoulder enough to pause him.
From where she was, she only had one angle to attack. Bringing the sword upwards between his legs. Her sword got caught on the metal buckle of his waist though, leaving him in the most painful position I’ve ever seen.
“Not cool,” I shouted.
“Well I didn’t mean for him to be alive,” She responded.
“Just kill him then,” It was the most humane thing to do.
She pulled her sword out and beheaded him.
Near the stairs, another thug had Roan in a headlock. A vine wrapped around the goon’s neck forcing him to release the sailor. The gangster was unconscious in a moment.
“Okay…” Roan coughed, catching his breath, “When will these boys learn the law is here to protect them? They need to obey the rules. Tisk tisk.”
After inspecting the office, we found a wanted poster with Hawkle’s face on it. The bounty wasn’t large, but we already had his head so we didn’t have much reason not to go collect. We didn’t find anything else of interest, so we exited the Poseidon’s Inn. I tossed Brutis a coin and said, “There’s a few dead guys down there.” And just kept on walking with all of our goods and the head of Mr. Hawkins in a sack.
“Who am I showing this too?” Syrielle asked, holding up Hawkin’s head in a burlap sack. “Where am I taking this?” The sack was leaking a little.
Having spent time around the bars, and having read the poster, Roan knew the answers. “The Inquisitive Tap. it’s an adventuring bar, near the Olympic Corridors.” He led the way, and of course we had to use the back door as we were holding a human head.
“I haven’t seen you guys here before. How can I help you?” A man with zero notable descriptions greeted us inside of the back door.
“We slayed the Great Villain Hawkle.” I announced.
Syrielle held up the head. “We’re adventurers. My name is Syrielle, and these are my compatriots. And Mr. Hawkle is no longer a problem.”
“Very natural,” I informed her.
We gave him the flier, and showed him the head. He pulled out a little booklet of wanted pictures and flipped through it to find the correct page. “25 gold.” The man said. “We’ll pull it up in a second.”
“That seems a bit low,” Roan complained.
“Well we don’t exactly have a lot of money,” He told us.
“Can you even it up to 28 for us because there’s 4 of us,” Syrielle requested.
This unnamed gentleman was amused. “I’m a jolly man. I’ll tell ya what. For every joke you tell me that makes me laugh I’ll give you a piece of gold.”
There was a pause. Syrielle patted Roan on the back, “You got some sailor jokes?”
The seaman scrunched his face. “Oh so now it’s on me.”
“I’ve got a joke or 2 but I’d like to see what the sailor has to say,” I’m lying. In all my years of education I didn’t learn dick about comedy.
“I’m gonna go pee real quick,” Roan said casually. I knew he was stalling, but now I couldn’t use the same tactic lest me look weak.
Syrielle turned her attention to me. “Do you have a joke?”
“Uh…” I thought. I heard one not too long ago. “Do you know what an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac spends most of their time doing?” There was a pause. “Staying up all night wondering if there is a dog.”
“Ha,” he barely laughed and tossed us a gold. He probably heard that one before.
Syrielle tried to argue that she is so ugly that it was a joke, but he insisted he’s seen much more hideous women than her. She blushed and thanked him.
Nydorri became a bear and danced for him. We got a coin.
Roan finally came back from urinating having already laughed hard.
“How do you keep a barbarian from drowning?”
“Uhm…” The man thought. “A raft?”
“No… You pick his head up out of the water.” Roan smirked with pride.
“Hahahahah,” The man was very entertained. “It’s because barbarians are stupid.”
Syrielle was content, but I just thought of another joke. “An orc with no odor, a dwarf with no beard, and a douchey haflin walk into a bar and there’s a chest in the middle of the room. Who gets the chest?”
There was no response.
I gave the answer. “The douchey hafflin because the others don’t exist.”
“Nice,” He laughed a little and handed me a fourth coin. Which ruined the point of us evening the gold out. I wished Glish was there to get hurt by my burn. He’s such a douche.
We departed from the nice bar, and went off to the Arcane Tower to tell Monty of a job well done. He wasn’t there though, so we just went back to the inn. Vergusson was at the bar as drunk as could be. And Blondos was surprisingly with him. I hadn’t seen him since the spire. Everyone else had, but I hadn’t. Not surprisingly, Nosikol was also drinking with them.
“Guys!” Verg shouted. “Where’s my short dude?”
Zorthos looked upset as well, “We haven’t seen Glish since we got here.”
“Both tiny men disappeared,” Roan sat next to them and ordered a drink. “At least yours didn’t slay children. Although knowing him he might have gotten into a fist fight with a few.”
With petty curiosity I pondered allowed, “I wonder how the little fucker would have done against Hawkins?” The thought of the hafflin smashing that rogue effortlessly drove me insane. “Man was fast and crafty. I barely out maneuvered him.”
“You lost,” Syrielle mocked.
“It was poison,” I whined.
Nydorri looked the samurai in the eye, “He kicked Hawkins ass. Dude cheated.”
“Thanks,” I appreciated the elf who still wouldn’t look me in the eye.
We all sat there for a while enjoying the evening. Insults were thrown but always with a laugh as the six of us bonded without the little shit to ruin everything and the slightly taller little shit to say nothing. Thankfully Nosikol was hanging out with somebody else so we didn’t have to talk to him.
Long before the evening was coming to a close, a small group of people walked in. At first glance none of them caught my eye, but on second glance there was a pretty girl. And on closer inspection it was none other than the girl with auburn hair in the crowd on the shitty day a week ago who stood up for us in front of that angel of pretentious cruelty.
“Hi!” I said a little too loudly, locking eyes with her.
She smiled very comfortably and waved at me.
Nydorri had risen to her feet and glided over to them. Quickly giving all of the people in the group a hug. Syrielle took a deep breath, “Man she sure does love you…”
“Wait…” I spun around to look at the rest of my friends. “She said I’m her best friend earlier?” It had happened so fast I barely even noticed when it happened. And there were a lot of other things to think about in that moment.
Zorthos nodded, “Yeah… She talks about it all the time.”
“You’re her buddy dude,” Syrielle said as if it was obvious.
“What the fuck?”
As the elf mingled I observed for a moment. Growing curious about what was happening. “Wait… Are you saying she brought that girl for me? She wasn’t there that day. How did she…”
“We saw her at the market the other night,” Syrielle smiled. “I pointed her out, told Nydorri the story and she was talking to her before I was done explaining what happened. Which is annoying because you were such a dick.” By the time she finished explaining the story Nydorri was pulling the girls towards us. Syrielle decided to say something for some reason, “Can I give you some advice?”
Before she could give it to me, I asked, “Try to be her friend?”
“Yeah but actually try it this time…”
“Seriously bro…” Zorthos agreed with her. “Just relax dude.”
“Fuck you…”
“Okay,” Syrielle raised her hands, “That’s the opposite of what we said to do.”
“When have I ever actually panicked you losers?”
Before they could retort, Nydorri and the girl arrived.
I’d hopped to my feet. “Hello…”
With a curious face the pretty girl asked, “Elrin Daun of Gladland the Fighting Writer?”
“Yeah…” I was astonished, “You’ve heard of me.”
“Nydorri was making fun of you and said you’d say it so I just said it first…”
Nydorri giggled with the other girls around that came along.
“Well Nydorri didn’t tell me your name so I can’t give you a fancy title…”
“Go for it…” She crossed her arms.
“The lady who fears no shit and respects all names. The Dean Of Queens.”
She nodded, very impressed, “Okay really solid on the spot. Mad respect”
“I had very little to go with…”
“I know, well done,” She clapped and one of her friends did as well. I tried to smile at Nydorri, but she looked away. Though she wasn’t the one whose attention I wanted right now. “So what is your actual name?”
“Sandy Larson,” She shook my hand. “And I do appreciate what you and your friends did for us the other day. It was costing an arm and a leg to purify the water until you did what you did.”
I pointed at Syrielle and Vergusson who were arguing about who could kill a dragon faster, “I’ll be honest. These guys pretty much do most of the actual work. I’m just kind of there to help as much as I can and talk about it later.”
“Well…” She smiled, “I don’t want to make you think this means anything… yet, but I’d like to buy you a drink.” After a pause she emphasized, “As a thank you. You deserve to be treated well for what you’ve done. And maybe you’re worth getting to know. I’ll figure that out later.”
I could tell from her eyes I wasn’t completely out of the game, but I could also tell she was getting a little uncomfortable flirting. Which sort of confused me, and I don’t usually react well to being confused.
But, she never really looked away. She never seemed uncomfortable. Never seemed off even if I was a tad awkward. And so, no matter how anxious I grew, I remained as calm as I’d ever been. And soon there was no anxiousness whatsoever. No awkwardness to be remembered.
In fact, there never was. We just enjoyed each other’s company.
And nothing really interesting happened.
Except we had sex that night.
But there’s really nothing to say about that.