{"id":320,"date":"2024-11-22T18:41:09","date_gmt":"2024-11-22T18:41:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/?p=320"},"modified":"2024-11-23T00:03:41","modified_gmt":"2024-11-23T00:03:41","slug":"elrin-daun-and-the-grumbsy-gang-chapter-22-a-very-crappy-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/?p=320","title":{"rendered":"Elrin Daun and the Grumbsy Gang – Chapter 22: A Very Crappy Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

Previous Chapter<\/a> : Next Chapter<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Joharys floated into the port of Koph Mana, almost in pieces and still taking on water. We hustled as hard as we could to bucket the sea out of the lower deck. When we reached the port, everyone scurried out of the basement of the ship, grabbing only the most essential and expensive items, hopping from deck to dock as our tattered vessel descended into the sea.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We just barely managed to take along the trunk of haul with us as well as many of our other belongings. But we made it to the only known metropolis of Kayos all the same.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A large portly dock attendant holding a clipboard approached us. \u201cHello are you guys docking this\u2026\u201d He glanced at the shattered Joe Harris. \u201cThing here?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHuh… Here’s a boat, have fun with it,\u201d I walked away, and my shipmates followed.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Exhausted, all we wanted to do was get some sleep. At closer look the city was crowded and dirty. Hundreds, maybe thousands of buildings all around. Though from my view of the port, they were for the most part small structures besides the three massive towers.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yarrick insisted we follow him, and led us up a long stair that teetered back and forth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He seemed to know exactly where to go through the crazy streets and led us to the nicest inn nearby. A large 3 story building, on the outskirts of the town market center. \u201cBed,\u201d Glish announced, tossing silver at the innkeep and walking upstairs. We all did the same. There was no room for banter. We needed rest.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The next morning we awoke starving, and ate roughly 3 days worth of food. The meal was good, and we devoured literally all of the bacon they had. Some of my compatriots were concerned that when we asked for \u201cAll\u201d the bacon that they may have misheard us and thought we said, \u201cA lot.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After a great feast, we bathed what little we could and those with alternative clothes changed out of their gross smelly garments that we had on our journey. Little did we know, that those clothes would be considered saintly in comparison to what lies ahead for us and our wardrobes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once we were done eating we decided to get right to work. Myself, Syrielle, Glish, Vergusson, Nydorri and Zorthos headed to the Arcane Tower for the morning. Roan wanted to check out the local casino.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And brothels. Depending on how the casino goes.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Right as we were about to leave the inn, an unnamed server stopped us. \u201cYou guys may want to leave those behind,\u201d He pointed anxiously at our weapons. \u201cI mean you\u2019re walking around town with swords and hammers. It’s not like you\u2019re not noblemen, it could get you into some trouble.\u201d He shrugged, glancing around at us. \u201cI mean you kinda look like sell swords.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe kinda are sellswords.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The polite man turned to Vergusson specifically and explained, \u201cYou\u2019re an orc you really don\u2019t want to get caught with shit.\u201d An educated citizen. Not a bigot, but understands the complexities of bigotry.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell I\u2019m holding my weapons,\u201d Glish announced. \u201cI\u2019m a hafflin. I can talk my way out of it.\u201d <\/span>What the fuck is he talking about?<\/span><\/i> Hafflins aren\u2019t known to be charming and he in particular is the fucking worst. He talks all of us into trouble all the time.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not dropping my sword,\u201d Syrielle didn\u2019t care.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll just announce you as royalty when we get attitude,\u201d I told her with a fist bump.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Verg and I put our weapons in our rooms.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The city was very poorly laid out. A very dumb design. We had currently stationed ourselves in the slums of the Southern neighborhoods. Just outside the Olympic Quarters and the Tower of Hephastus. Across town the Arcane Spire stood tall on the College Campus. Neither neighborhood was the size of the Royal district. And all three were smaller than the Market Center right in the middle, which on its own could have fit Grumbsy inside ten times over.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In between all of these wealthy areas, were ghettos and poor neighborhoods. Hundreds of businesses were scattered all around even outside of the market center to accommodate the whole population. Nearly a million people live in a metropolis with possibly the dumbest layout I have ever seen.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We could tell where the tower was the Arcane Tower, because it was easy to see. But every time we started walking down a road heading in that direction it would turn, sending us in a different direction. The road\u2019s weren\u2019t straight, and they didn\u2019t appear to lead anywhere.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We asked for directions multiple times and eventually found ourselves a white wall surrounding the massive blue tower we knew to be the Arcane Spire. A nearby gate had several men in blue tunics with an emblem of The Spire itself on their chest. They were very friendly upon approach.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I took the lead as always, \u201cHello, how are you this fine day?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cQuite well, how are you?\u201d A tall bearded human replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cElrin Daun of Gladland the Fighting Writer.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Montgomery.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Could our search for this man be over so quickly? <\/span><\/i>\u201cDo you go by Monty by chance?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t.\u201d He was as disappointed as I for some reason.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d I shook my head. \u201cDo you know anyone named Monty?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI do,\u201d He announced excitedly. \u201cHe\u2019s my namesake,\u201d It sounded like he was just making that up, but who was I to judge him? \u201cHe\u2019s my uncle.\u201d None of us believed him.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo his full name is also Montgomery?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, his name is Monty.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever,\u201d I shook my head. \u201cWhatever I\u2019m over it, I\u2019m past it, we\u2019re moving on.\u201d With a quick breath I restarted the important conversation. \u201cWe have business with Monty, we were sent by his old friend Trant. Would you mind helping us find him?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Montgomery suddenly sounded familiar with us. \u201cMonty advised me we\u2019d be expecting you. Syrielle is your leader?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cS\u2019up?\u201d She sounded almost confused to be called the leader.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had my hesitations about the title, \u201cThat doesn\u2019t sound right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMonty is in his office,\u201d The giddy Montgomery explained. \u201cI will guide you to it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He walked us through a courtyard full of various types of bushes. Glish bragged about knowing all the different types of trees for no reason. Vergusson wanted to rip a tree out, tried to do so, and failed.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nydorri spotted a few elves tending to the gardens. She stopped hanging out with us and just went to hang out with them.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When the rest of us reached the door to the spire, we noticed a most peculiar detail. It wasn\u2019t touching the ground at all. Not so much as a single pillar holding it up. The entirety of the tower was floating just a foot off the Earth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We stepped inside to find ourselves in a magnificent colorful room with shelves of books all over. Montgomery led us to nearby steps leading upwards. Libraries, practice rooms, and tons of nondescript fantastical things. After about 5 minutes, we came upon one room in particular that caught Zorthos\u2019s attention.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At first none of us noticed anything, but when he opened the door, there were several people inside wearing black cloaks. Montgomery explained, \u201cThe guards of darkness. We don\u2019t like to celebrate dark magic here, but we understand denying it is\u2026 Unwise. There is power in the black.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One of the people in cloaks stood to their feet, and removed their hood to reveal an old bald human woman. \u201cHello dark one. Please, don\u2019t be afraid of us. We wouldn\u2019t dare be afraid of you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m red.\u201d He grunted and stepped inside.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For some reason I had to ask, \u201cYou alright?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d He didn\u2019t look back. \u201cJust do the job. I\u2019m where I need to be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After climbing the stairs for about 15 more minutes, Montgomery stopped and knocked on a big red door with a golden \u201cM\u201d displayed upon it. \u201cCome in,\u201d a voice replied to the knock. We did so. Behind a desk was a short elf with large brown sideburns and a bald head. \u201cHello,\u201d he didn\u2019t look up from the books he was reading. Multiple books at once.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHello,\u201d I replied. \u201cMonty presume?\u201d I reached out my hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d He took my hand without looking. \u201cTrant said you would be coming.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve come bearing gifts,\u201d Syrielle gestured to Vergusson.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The half-orc dropped the large box of goods we brought along on the desk.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Monty, pulled off the wood we used to seal the side and let the many items pour out onto his desk. He examined the luggage with great glee, but looked a little spooked when he noticed some of the more cursed items. \u201cThank you. It\u2019ll take me some time to understand exactly what we have before us, but it is very important that these artifacts are placed in the right hands. You and Trant will be very well compensated. Will you all be staying in town for a while?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, why not,\u201d I placed my hands on my hips and looked around. \u201cI\u2019ve never been to this city. I’d like to see what it has to offer, hear its tales and perhaps make some of my own.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Syrielle decided to take the title of leader seriously. \u201cAnd we\u2019d really wanted to speak with you about getting Grumbsy fully on the map. Koph Mana is such an industrial town, and we\u2019re hoping to get to that level.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He started talking about how he didn\u2019t like the name and voted for a different one. From there we began to discuss many of our business ideas, including my idea for a library and possibly a school hoping that these men of knowledge could assist. Koph Mana was young for such a large city but it had many aspiring scholars.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Glish asked some douchey questions about boats.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Seeing the conversation of business as a good segway, I asked him if there was any opportunity for work around town. \u201cWe\u2019re quite adventurous, so we have a bit of a diverse skill set.\u201d That\u2019s when I realized none of our actual diversity was with us at the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d He pondered. \u201cA city with a population of nearly a million does attract many impoverished people, and with the poor, comes crime. I\u2019m not particularly invested in that area, but I\u2019m sure the nobles would be willing to pay for some help.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo who’s department would that be in?\u201d I inquired.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell the town guard usually handles that kinda stuff,\u201d He pointed in the direction of the Royal District. \u201cI\u2019m sure you guys are looking for more adventurous kinds of work.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re looking for all kinds of work,\u201d I pumped my fists excitedly, \u201cThe term adventurer has a very broad definition.\u201d I waved my hands in front of my face for emphasis. “But I would say we specialize in killing big bads.”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Money stroked his chin, “Well. Are you any good at hunting rogues in the shadows?” He smirked and looked into the corner of the office where there were in fact shadows. “Because a frequent employee of the city, The Assassin Danny, possibly this city’s greatest military asset we have, has recently disappeared into the shadows. His closest allies are keeping a tight lip, but we have surmised he believes his greatest nemesis has arrived on our shores.” His hands held up in defeat, “The duel has already begun from what I know.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With a faint smile I explained, “We know a guy who’s great with shadows, but we don’t always know how to find him. And we know nothing about him.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Vergusson held his hand up, “I know a lot about him.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Me too,” Syrielle added.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I figured him out the minute I laid eyes on him,” Glish taunted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Monty waited a moment and then said, “Well. Perhaps when you find your friends with the more covert skill set you could be of use to the city. But I imagine the four of you in specific are a bit more… Shall we say… Explosive in your skill set.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“We can be a little gentle sometimes.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Right. Well ” Monty muttered realizing it was a pointless conversation, \u00a0he looked down at his notebook. \u201cThe Spire does have work for people here and there. The church will send anyone willing on missions from time to time. And like I said, the nobles pay the best.\u201d He continued to think, \u201cYeah that\u2019s most of the uhm\u2026 virtuous jobs in town.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d I turned to my group in a hushed tone, \u201cSo is anyone interested in fighting organized crime? Because that\u2019s what I wanna do. I wanna be a superhero.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m more interested in finding the criminal underground,\u201d Glish retorted.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s\u2026\u201d <\/span>What the fuck is wrong with him?<\/span><\/i> \u201cThat\u2019s literally what I\u2019m saying.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI never said stop.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Gods I hate him. \u201cWell I want to join the criminal underworld utilizing an undercover alias, then take it apart from the inside.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI kinda love it,\u201d Syrielle smiled. \u201cI was thinking that our mission was to drop off the luggage and get some people to come to Grumbsy. But this sounds fun.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah once we become the heroes we can be, then we can get people to come back with us,\u201d I explained as I also realized how beautiful this plan comes together.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Of course Glish was still here. \u201cWe should bring the crime to Grumbsy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We weren\u2019t sure what to do just yet, but before we departed the office Monty quickly asked, \u201cSo have you by chance taken the time to check out our Beyond Natural First Aid Programs? Most folk haven\u2019t a chance at wielding magic. But I got an eye for talent, and you are all candidates for different reasons. Which would put you in separate classes of course.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Monty hopped to his feet and walked over to a painting of a man in a blue tunic healing a Vanirian princess with his magical hands. \u201cWe have plenty of resources downstairs. All of the knowledge here is free. We felt that healing magic should be at the very bottom. The easiest for all to access. It would be great to check it out while you’re in town and contribute to the world.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked at all three comrades in the room, Syrielle, Vergusson, and Glish. \u201cUs?\u201d My head shook with disagreement, \u201cI would say you need the other 4. They know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The elf of The Spire shook his head, \u201cI don\u2019t know you\u2019re friends. But I can see you just fine. You might not know much about magic, but you\u2019ve been wielding it for some time now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe fuck do I do\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked me up and down, \u201cWell, from what I can sense, you have just a small amount of Cerebral Mana in you. And with what else I gather just from my eyes and ears, you\u2019re a bard. It\u2019s likely you were taught to use the Deep Dream. You can meditate and replay events in your life as if you were watching them over and over again, can you not?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a little bit of magic to it, but what doesn\u2019t?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you,\u201d He pointed to Glish, \u201cI can tell from the way you\u2019re dressed, and from the dust on your fingers. You just started learning about alchemy. Enough to manipulate mystical elements ever so slightly with your own hands.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The hafflin nodded, \u201cYup.\u201d Heather’s Keep was a very useful visit for him more than anyone.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That\u2019s when he turned to the two warriors that I was fairly confident had nothing mystic about them. \u201cAnd you and you. While your potential is far from that of your two friends here in the realms of the mystic, both of you have quite a bit of chi. The magic that exists within all of us, and is most potent in those with great physical power. It might take far longer to learn very little, but I would advise you both to try and educate yourselves as best you can. It\u2019ll be useful out there on the battlefield.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His own words seemed to remind him of something else. Then he quickly informed us he had a busy day then instructed Montgomery to take us downstairs to the first aid stations. He led us back to the base of the tower. There was a room with a picture of a large heart. We received all the information we needed about the magical healing classes and each of us was interested in returning. All of us.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once we learned when to learn, I placed a notice at the base of the spire, by a billboard of sorts, requesting educators as well as an offer for any other profession, to travel to the flourishing town of Grumbsy for the opportunity to be a part of something great.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As we walked my compatriots continued to discuss where we should find work. After more bickering, we finally decided upon searching out some nobles and seeing what work they may have for us. It mostly came down to them probably paying the most.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After asking around we found out they lived on the west side of the bay. It was hard to know the quickest route in such a shitty city. But we made it there well before the day’s end. There were a lot of very nice houses once we walked out of the ghetto area. When we got to one of the larger houses, 3 men in bronze chain mail armor approached us. \u201cHello,\u201d they greeted non threateningly.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHello.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCan we help you?\u201d Their apparent leader asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re looking for work,\u201d I explained. \u201cWe\u2019re adventurers from a northern town called Grumbsy and we\u2019re gonna be here for a few days. It would be most wise of you to take advantage of our great services.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He attempted to reach into his memory banks. \u201cNever heard of such a place.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell you will soon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The guardsmen looked us up and down. \u201cWhat kind of work do you guys do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve slayed many beasts in our day, and even more barbarians,\u201d I announced with bravado trying to hype us up. I am the bard after all.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re kind of an odd group.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe are,\u201d Syrielle casually replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut all the best groups are,\u201d I continued to hype.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDiverse skills,\u201d She added.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He did not seem impressed as he continued to look us up and down. \u201cA woman, a hafflin, a half-orc, and an effeminate man?\u201d His critique was clear, but ever so flawed.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSir,\u201d I stopped him. \u201cThis is how you describe it.\u201d I spun around waving my hands, as theatrically as possible, \u201cSee I describe it as; Syrielle, the greatest killer of men the world has ever known.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I pointed to the short one,\u00a0 \u201cGLISH, a tiny man with a giant hammer.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m no man.\u201d <\/span>SHUT THE FUCK UP GLISH.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe prettiest orc in all the land, Vergusson. And I am Elrin Daun of Gladland the Fighting Writer, the great warrior who tells the tales…\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re no great warrior.\u201d My ally mocked.<\/span> Godfucking damnit Glish you piece of shit.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell maybe you guys are more than you appear,\u201d The guardsman admitted.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Verg shook his head. \u201cNo, I’m just an orc.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUhm\u2026 I\u2019m the captain of the guard in this noble section. You can call me Gary. Uhm\u2026\u201d He didn\u2019t sound confident in anything he told us so far. \u201cI do have some work. I sent some guys into the sewers last week. Didn\u2019t go well for them, and I can\u2019t get any more of my guys to go back in there. And the usual freelance sellswords said this was way beneath their payday despite it being the best paid job in town. There\u2019s been some backflow issues that we are trying to sort out. We\u2019ve been forced to use some supernatural methods to get just a little bit clean drinking water. It\u2019s costly.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The hafflin, being the douche he is, asked. \u201cYa got a plumber around?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure this is a job for a plumber,\u201d Gary replied. \u201cNot considering all the bodies that came out, they were covered in some pretty gross shit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you\u2019re not hiring the right plumber,\u201d Vergusson brandished his ax.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNone came out alive,\u201d He told us.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The half-orc cracked his neck. \u201cWell, it sounds like a dirty job. But somebody\u2019s gotta do it.\u201d He began to walk in a direction. Not the direction. Just a direction.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAny other jobs?\u201d Syrielle asked not wanting to walk through poop.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure you can find other jobs,\u201d Gary told her. \u201cBut if you find out whatever killed my men, and fix the backflow problem, I\u2019ll give you guys 1,000 gold.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis is why we come to the noble section,\u201d Vergusson laughed. \u201cThey have the most gold.\u201d He patted Glish on the back who also seemed unfazed by having to deal with shit.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gary guided us to the grate where the corpses of his men flowed out of. There was also a well in the center of town. Those were the 2 main entrances into the sewers. Obviously there were tons of others if we wanted to find them.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Syrielle and I whined that we didn\u2019t want to go on this job. Glish and Verg said I was turning down so the next thing I knew I was gearing up in a rubber suit. They gave us thin face masks that held Pana Daisies near our noses and mouths. It honestly smelled better than anything I\u2019d ever experienced in my life. We quickly went back for mine and Verg\u2019s weapons.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A guardsman led us to the well just to the North of the large Colosseum in the middle of the Merchant Sector. Standing by the door of the massive arena was a flamboyantly dressed bard shouting to a small crowd. \u201cThe Day of 8 Duels is soon upon us. The seventh conflict has been decided. Bonrod Lorgin, The Orc of The Steel Stone Clan has offered his ax in the name of House Thomasin. And Sir Lukas of Hellas has sworn his blade to the House of Lyle. The roster is nearly completed. I promise you, the final conflict is soon to come. After all, the three towers have.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One guy cheered, validating me as a bard that sometimes crowds just suck.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The guard was trying to pull us towards the well, but my allies had their eyes locked on the bard giving the speech. \u201cTo all the doubters, to all the haters, I say on behalf of The GrandMaster of Games, you\u2019re welcome to join just as any other. For this show is beyond our petty little squabble.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Syrielle interrupted the speech very rudely, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/span> Verg stood next to her holding four fingers up with both hands. \u201cHe\u2019s talking about this many fights. In one day. It doesn\u2019t seem like a lot of fights.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The bard snickered, \u201cIt is when warriors such as the gladiators you are bound to see\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCan we fight?\u201d Glish asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Syrielle agreed. \u201cThere\u2019s eight of us, can we do it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUhm\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The guard that was escorting us chimed in and said, \u201cGuys. You have a job to do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Verg lightly pushed him away, \u201cThis sounds more fun.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSorry dude,\u201d I calmed the guard down rather easily. Then I chose to defend my fellow bard from more harassment. \u201cGuys, it sounds like whatever this day of duels thing is, it\u2019s got a full roster.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhich means\u2026\u201d Glish was preparing to say something clever but nothing came to him.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It did come to Syrielle however, \u201cWe find the champions, beat them up, then\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe eat cake,\u201d Verg finished excitedly.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d She actually sounded like that was the correct answer. \u201cThen after that, we fight in the day of 8 duels.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Glish started laughing, \u201cPerfect. Let\u2019s go clean up this poop problem. Then we\u2019ll go figure out where all these champs are and get to the ass kicking.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We gracefully walked back to the well.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Vergusson promptly hopped down the hole before looking into it. I waited to hear the splash, but all I heard was a loud thump. Swiftly, I dashed to the side looking into the well to find my half orc friend, about thirty feet down laying on dirt. He brushed it off and rose back to his feet.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The rest of us climbed down the latter that was there the whole time.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We began to explain to Vergusson why it is not a good idea to just jump into whatever he wants. \u201cTo be fair,\u201d I realized, \u201cThis is his first time hurting himself. This is like his 3rd time doing that at least and he always says he\u2019s trying to see if it\u2019ll kill him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis time still didn\u2019t kill me,\u201d He pointed out. He\u2019ll never learn.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We crawled through all sorts of nonsense water. However, I didn\u2019t think this is where they poop, it only looked like poor quality water, likely this city\u2019s drinking water. Unhealthy to say the least.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The tunnel opened up to a large corridor, with water pouring in from all sorts of directions. We searched for an uneven level, honestly I was very confused about what my compatriots and I were doing, but they appeared very confident in themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At least Glish was confident as he led us down a tunnel. We followed, unaware of what was ahead. After some more crawling, we reached a 30-40 foot draining pool area. We cautiously climbed down the wall to a shallow section of the pool. This new corridor had even more tunnels going in many different directions.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Though one tunnel in particular appeared to have darker water than the rest.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was a long and windy tunnel, but it finally led us to the largest room so far with more tunnels leading all over. There was a massive mound of crap covering up a huge pipe. Next to it, hunched over, was a tiny, hairy, brown humanoid-esque creature. Didn\u2019t take me long to realize it was a Bugbear.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll handle this,\u201d Verg bragged.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you know about good plumbing sir?\u201d Glish complained.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey!\u201d Verg yelled as properly as he could. \u201cWhat are you doing there?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood fellow,\u201d I also yelled. \u201cWhy do you have so much hair? And shit?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The half orc was continuing with his proper tone. \u201cWhat\u2019s your interest in the shit sir?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWould you help us with the blockage?\u201d I inquired. \u201cIs it within your common interests?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you unclogging?\u201d Verg continued to berate the stranger, never once giving him a chance to respond. \u201cOr are you just into shit?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI have many friends into that\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The hairy thing spun around and spoke in a language I could not understand, but similar to one I\u2019ve heard before.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHeeyyyooo,\u201d Vergusson announced proudly, stepping forward to take the lead.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was in this moment I knew we were fucked.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Syrielle, Glish and I were all on edge watching Vergusson short back and forth saying lord knows what. It definitely looked like an argument.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d I asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026\u201d Verg thought about it. \u201cHe\u2019s speaking a bunch of nonsense.\u201d The barbarian turned and continued bickering with the sewer dweller. Their tone appeared confrontational and aggressive while the half orc was calm and chill. Almost like there was no potential threat, but of course knowing Vergusson, he\u2019s likely threatening and being threatened.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cVergusson what\u2019s happening?\u201d I needed answers.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026\u201d He scratched his head. \u201cThis is the shit culprit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah I can see that. Is he going to move the shit for us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d He emphasized very heavily that it was not happening.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe lives here.\u201d Verg replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Syrielle was frustrated, \u201cWhy is he so angry? This makes no sense.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYaktu Yaktu!\u201d The bugbear yelled, brandishing a knife.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I tried to suggest more ideas for solutions as Vergusson casually knocked the knife out of our new potential enemies hand. The goblin yelled, and we felt that something more dangerous was coming. I\u2019m assuming it’s more hairy goblins.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Our enemy disengaged with his hands in the air yelling, \u201cYaktu Yaktu.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere has to be more words in this language.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is he yelling, Verg?\u201d Syrielle asked, showing as much worry as I.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIs he hostile?\u201d I demanded answers.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The half-orc shrugged. \u201cI\u2019m guessing more goblins are on their way.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We waited for just a moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh my god they\u2019re gonna come out of the pile of shit,\u201d Vergusson realized out loud. \u201cIt’s gonna be like a termite mound.\u201d He dashed forward and smashed his glowing ax into the bugbear\u2019s face; an explosion of blood covered the barbarian\u2019s entire body. \u201cYaktu Yaktu,\u201d He yelled out into what I was starting to guess might be a void. He looked to me, \u201cI\u2019m mocking him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Immediately after that, a frightening and terrible squanching noise echoed through the tunnels. As Verg predicted, a small horde of goblins came tumbling out of the pile of shit, brandishing weapons of all kinds.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not to mention, the shouts we could hear echoing in the tunnels around us.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I pulled my bow out immediately and fired. There was no interest in any shape or form in prolonging this with banter. We wanted to kill them all, and they wanted to kill the four of us.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The least healthy pair of besties the world had ever seen.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I blasted two of them in the face before they came out of the mound and then stuck another in the chest twice. At that point one of them was on me with a spear. I deflected immediately and gutted him. Another was swinging his sword at me. We exchanged for a quick second. Only that. I had him figured out after the first few strokes and countered flawlessly.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Syrielle and Vergusson were tearing through groups of them heading into nearby pipes. Glish was busy fighting nearly ten of them. Before I could assist him, I noticed seven of them charging out of the tunnel nearest me.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I lunged at them, killing the first easily, before deflecting the next attack. I countered and stabbed another through the chest before but they put the pressure on fast backing me away from where I had them bottle necked. But I had to step away from an attack and pull my sword out to block another attack. I was deflecting three swords at once, while the other two were trying to step around them. I stepped to the left.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Two of them still had an angle and didn\u2019t let up. But as the others scrambled around their feet tripped over each other just slightly. My sword went through a skull. I kicked the one to his left in the stomach so hard he keeled over. Then pulled the sword out and removed the hand of the next attacker.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The other two had perfectly circled around me. My rapier deflected one sword while the other dug into my back. I head butted the goblin I just blocked, then spun around and beheaded the one that stabbed me.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I blocked to my left. Took a stab to my right gut.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I kicked the goblin that stabbed me to the ground. Blocked the other one once again, and quickly slashed the grounded goblin. Then I parried once more. Then put my sword through another goblin chest. Then my back was slashed.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I rolled away I discovered the goblin whose hand I removed holding a sword with his other hand. He screeched and stepped towards me, but an arrow hit his shoulder. When he looked away, I hopped to my feet and charged.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He reacted, but I faked a low shot, then removed his other hand when he blocked low.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I mercifully killed him.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAlways need saving don\u2019t ya,\u201d Glish taunted holding his crossbow standing over what looked like eight goblin corpses.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Glish was just constantly pulling ahead of me. He was killing more opponents. He defeated the knight of Apollo quicker than I defeated mine. He was overall improving at a faster rate than I was.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Vergusson and Syrielle were discussing their numbers as well. They actually lost track again. They tend to kill too many to count these days.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I slipped a quick potion to stabilize my wounds. I don\u2019t want to talk about how disgusting it was at that point. We can just move on from those details.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Another thing I don\u2019t want to talk about, was how Vergusson started shoveling the pile of shit allowing water to start flowing into the room. None of us understood these mechanics, and now that the goblins terrorizing the plumbers have been slain we felt our duty when it came to the dooty was finished.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We were out of there as quickly as possible. We weren\u2019t hired to clear the whole plumbing system, we were hired to take care of what was killing the plumbers.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was a crowded day at the town square, as 4 shit covered adventurers emerged from the well that so many people drank water from. \u201cYou\u2019re welcome,\u201d I yelled out.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPublic work,\u201d Glish raised his arms. \u201cPublic work.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They were not cheering for us. <\/span>Bastards<\/span><\/i>. Syrielle and I began rolling around on the ground, rubbing off the shit, as I kept exclaiming, \u201cYou\u2019re welcome. You\u2019re welcome.\u201d All they did was back away. \u201cCan anyone clean us? We just killed the shitty goblins causing problems down there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome to Grumbsy where there\u2019s no central plumbing,\u201d Verg yelled out.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gary walked through the crowd towards us. It was pretty convenient that he was for some reason in the merchant sector and not in the royal district, \u201cI see the water levels have gone down. Any trouble down there?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTrouble for you,\u201d I told him, wiping shit off my face. \u201cAnother day for us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you guys find what killed my men?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Vergusson held up the head of a bugbear that he was carrying.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gary gasped. \u201cWhat is that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a shit goblin,\u201d Glish replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cA bugbear to be more precise\u201d As the bard of this group, it was important I explained things. \u201cProbably about a 100 of them. Honestly they really weren\u2019t that tough. The average Goblin can beat the average man, but not the average soldier. And we\u2019re\u2026\u201d I looked at my friends, Glish and Vergusson were throwing shit at each other with laughter. \u201cNot average.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After ordering 2 of his men to grab buckets and bathe us he ran off to fetch our gold. His guardsmen began dousing us, but didn\u2019t want to come anywhere near our shitcaked bodies. The effect of the Pana Daisy began to fade causing me and Syrielle to really writhe in agony from the stench.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

While standing there, covered in nothing but shit, the door to a nearby flower shop opened. Out walked, as my luck would have it, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I don\u2019t recall if I\u2019ve written that before, but if I ever called anyone the most beautiful woman in the past it was a lie. For this time it was the truth.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Long blonde hair, a slim athletic physique. And a face with almost no noticeable features beyond her gorgeous emerald eyes. Her face scrunched as soon as she saw us. \u201cOh The Gods! What is that?\u201d Based on her long pink dress with golden decorations she was a highborn noble. I didn\u2019t notice that at first, but it was more obvious from her attitude. A couple of other well off women stood next to her.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIs that a woman with them?\u201d The one on her left asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ignoring the insult towards my friend I shouted, \u201cJust keeping the streets clean.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What I was expecting<\/span><\/i>? I\u2019m not really sure, but they laughed at me. The other one who spoke decided she had more thoughts that needed to be shared out loud. \u201cDid he just try to speak to you?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d A voice from the crowd to their left said. Stepping towards us was another woman, rather cute as well. She looked a bit older than me, with long auburn hair. For me not to notice her earlier she had to have been deep in the crowd. \u201cI was sick of paying so much to purify the drinking water. Appreciate your help. From all of you.\u201d<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The pretentious gorgeous woman gazed at the kinder one judgmentally. I think that’s what my peripherals were telling me I kind of ignored the rich girl and her friends at that point.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks\u2026\u201d I said to the new girl.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? What\u2019d I do?\u201d She looked genuinely confused.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSorry about my friend,\u201d Glish shouted. \u201cHe\u2019s a bit of a turd.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For once I couldn\u2019t be mad at him. The cute girl disappeared back into the crowd and the beautiful woman made a great show of her exit. They had to walk past us along the wall to get back home. Vergusson was sure to wag like a dog really hard and spray shit all over them as they walked by.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As the girls screamed and ran away he held his fist out to Syrielle. She bumped it and chirped at me, \u201cThat\u2019s how a real homeboy stands up for his homegirl.\u201d They both shook their heads disappointed at me.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was just being polite\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No one believed me. Especially not me.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As they brought us gold, they also brought us buckets of soap. Then more soap. Then even more buckets of soap. We weren\u2019t happy so we asked for more buckets of soap.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Towards the end of it all, loud bells went off throughout the city. Suddenly, the guards that were helping us clean had run off. We weren\u2019t confident so we just kept cleaning ourselves with what little soap that was left.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thankfully, there were clean clothes left for us. We changed into those because our current garments were dead to us. Obviously we kept the really expensive stuff from the dwarves at Heather\u2019s Keep, but we were going to require some magical cleaning for them.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Though that would have to wait, the whole town had erupted into pandemonium. We were instructed to get inside quickly. But nobody would let us in their homes, and we had to run across town to get to the inn we were staying at.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time we got there, we finally found out what was going on.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The children of Prince Lindheart, about fifteen young ones under ten years old, were all slaughtered within an hour of each other. Several people saw the culprit commit the last two murders and now the whole town knows his name.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Despite knowing next to nothing about the man the name belongs to, never in a million years did I imagine him to be so wicked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Previous Chapter<\/a> : Next Chapter<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Previous Chapter : Next Chapter   The Joharys floated into the port of Koph Mana, almost in pieces and still taking on water. We hustled as hard as we could to bucket the sea out of the lower deck. When we reached the port, everyone scurried out of the basement of the ship, grabbing only […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=320"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":332,"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions\/332"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deficientlyattentive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}